What the fuck man?

Happy Smarch!

2007-03-08T14:34:00.000-08:00

So I haven't been blogging much lately, mainly cause I've been to busy and nothing has been going on...uh, you figure it out.

anysnuff, since my last post [the ground breaking avant garde '.'] I have celebrated Family Day [my second favorite holiday, EVER] played in an all night soccer tourney, had a couple poops, contemplated walking infront of a train, and spent the night in a crack motel.

oh the Budget Inn. What hath become of thee? I walk into my room and the heater was hanging out of the wall, the were holes in the wall, the sink poured water onto the floor, there were stains on the ground, burn marks in, well everything, and I'm pretty sure I got a cocaine contact high just from breathing the air.

The Festive Ale Ligers are still on a tear beating virtually any team we face. We even beat the leagues best team 2-1 the other night with no subs but an abundance of HEART!

My seasons tally of goals is 5 in all competitions. I am aiming for ten.

Smittys has a wave of new people, I refuse to learn their names cause I doubt they will be around very long. I am now one of the longest serving employees there.

anyway till next year!

New blog

2006-12-07T09:15:00.000-08:00

Mel Gibson cost me 300,000 bucks

2006-08-01T04:14:00.000-07:00

That's right Mel. Way to fall off the wagon and start yelling at cops. I bought shares in his new movie Apocalypto and the next day it's in the news he is arrested for drunk driving. Not only that but he starts yelling at the cops asking if their Jews, and if they are Jews did they know they did this and that and you can guess what was said. He then gets forcably tossed into the drunk tank where he proceeds to call a female officer "Sugar Tits".

Mel oh Mel. Everyone thought you were the bees knees after that horrible Christ thing you did. Now everyone knows you just a crazy old fart with lots of cash who hates Jewish people and doesn't respect women. More importantly you've fucked up my Hollywood Stock Exchange bank account.

Thanks douche bag.

Oh World Cup.

2006-07-10T23:35:00.000-07:00

You were so beautiful.

Well Italy and France, my two most hated of teams contested the final.

I acutally don't mind Italy when they aren't breaking peoples noses with elbows, spitting on lesser countries [literally. I'm looking at you Totti!], tackling with the intent to break ankles, complaining that everything isn't going their way. When they actually play they are pretty damn good.

The final itself was a fair game but great for drama. France GALVENIZED~!~!~! by the last game of Zinadine Zidanes career [top five players ever...EVER] pretty much dominated the entire game. They scored on a penalty kick which Zidane chipped in. Italy equalized through Matarazzi [SPIT] and from then on it was pretty much all France. They couldn't however get taht second goal.

However Zidane did find time in the game to head butt the ever loving life out of Matarazzi. Aparently the friendly Italian called his sister a whore, wished his mother to died rapidly of cancer and called him a terroist cause he is Algerian. Zidane decided these were unkind things to say and just laid headbutt to the heart into this dude. Buddy ate fat load of turf and Zidane got the red.

Italy won on penalties and I was happy for them. Seeing as how almost all of their players are out of jobs now that their teams are going to be sent to the 3rd teir in the Italian leagues it was nice to see them happy.

Moments of note as Italy partied.

Cammronasie sitting on a chair with the entire Italian team around him doing this wierd ass dance then cutting his hair off.

Gattuso somehow loosing his pants and deciding to just walk around in tighty whities.

Gianlugi Buffon the Italian goalie [and second most obviously ugly man alive] revealing his massive over bite over and over again as he smiled.

So in the end not a bad world cup, not a very good one.

Euro 2008! only 24 months away!

Copying

2006-07-02T20:36:00.000-07:00

Your Birthdate: September 2

You're so intuitive, it's like you have a sixth, seventh, and eighth sense.
You connect with others freely and easily - and you tend to have many best friends.
Warm and caring, it's hard for you to close your heart to anyone.
Affection is like air for you - you need to give and receive it to survive.

Your strength: Your universal compassion

Your weakness: Your unpredictable mood swings

Your power color: Mauve

Your power symbol: Butterfly

Your power month: February

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Mauve? BUTTERFLY?!

Stupid Everybody

2006-07-01T14:22:00.000-07:00

Took a hit on Sin City 2 for the second day running now. Sold it. Bought some more shares in Apocalypto.

James Franco and Jason Mewes are both costing me, but once Spidey 3 and CLerks 2 open I'm expecting big things. I also have a stake in Wynonna Ryder for somereason. She's done nothing so she stays for the moment. She has a chance to turn it around.

Also The Long Hello and Short Good bye is at a stale mate. It's Miramax so I figure they will make me money somehow. Plus it stars the delightful Kevin Bacon.

again

2006-06-30T21:56:00.000-07:00

Your Pimp Name Is...

Prince Dazzle

What's Your Pimp Name?

Your Superhero Profile

Your Superhero Name is The Brain Mask
Your Superpower is Piracy
Your Weakness is Booty
Your Weapon is Your Mystic Belt
Your Mode of Transportation is Giraffe

What's your Superhero Name?

Your Daddy Is Mike Tyson

What You Call Him: Pa

Why You Love Him: Because he's your baby daddy

Who's Your Daddy?

You May Be a Bit Borderline ...

Your mood swings make a roller coaster look tame!

When you're up, you're a little bit crazy...

And when you're down, your whole world is crashing

Scary thing is, these moods can change by the minute!

What Personality Disorder Are You?

plop

2006-06-30T11:48:00.000-07:00

You Are 40% Sociopath

From time to time, you may be a bit troubled and a bit too charming for your own good.
It's likely that you're not a sociopath... just quite smart and a bit out of the mainstream!

Are You A Sociopath?

Your Musical Tastes Match: Nicole Kidman

See her whole playlist here (iTunes required)

What Celebrity Matches Your Taste in Music?

Your Seduction Style: Au Natural

You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it.
That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power!
The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism.

You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world.
Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in.
You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you?

You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways.
Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you.
As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you.

What Kind of Seducer Are You?

Your Bumper Sticker Should Be

Barbie is not a slut - her legs won't open

What Bumper Sticker Should Be On Your Car?

You Failed 8th Grade Geography

Sorry, you only got 6/10 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Geography?

The Sale of Humans

2006-06-29T12:51:00.000-07:00

ON THE HOLLYWOOD STOCK EXCHANGE!

I am now in "The Game!" TM so watch out, Lazlo Paniflex!

I am shockingly Harakiri

:\

2006-06-29T02:24:00.000-07:00

RJD2 - De L'Alouette
Underworld - Born SLippy
The Servent - Cells [instrumental] The one with vocals is horrific.
House of the Rising Sun - Fausto Papeti
Damnien Marely - Road to Zion
- Welcome to Jamrock
Bill Withers - Lovely Day
Tito and Tarantula - After Dark
Nina Simone - Sinnerman
- Black is the color [of my true loves hair]

2006-06-28T13:39:00.000-07:00

Carl Lewis

To celebrate my 100th blog I thought I'd add some gems.

First up. Carl Lewis and his song Break it Up. There are a few legendary things in this peice, most notible being the offensive amount of eye liner Carl is wearing.

Foul Balls Update.

2006-06-21T16:22:00.000-07:00

We got rained out again. I honestly don't know why we even bother. This is definently the last year for me. I'm not wasting my money on it again next time.

I think dodge ball sounds more fun and at least we are garunteed games.

world cup

2006-06-15T23:54:00.000-07:00

tired. To many games. To few days. Getting up at 6:30 every morning is slowly killing me. I feel weak, light headed, nautious. Gonna vom.

GET THESE SPIDERS OFF ME~!

Foul Blogs

2006-06-14T14:31:00.000-07:00

Today is game day.

end of blog.

Who Am I? WHO!!!!!!!

2006-06-13T22:44:00.000-07:00

You Are Bert

Extremely serious and a little eccentric, people find you loveable - even if you don't love them!

You are usually feeling: Logical - you rarely let your emotions rule you

You are famous for: Being smart, a total neat freak, and maybe just a little evil

How you life your life: With passion, even if your odd passions (like bottle caps and pigeons) are baffling to others

The Sesame Street Personality Quiz

You Will Die at Age 58

Not bad, considering your super wild lifestyle
Want to live longer? Try losing a few bad habits.

What Age Will You Die?

You Are Las Vegas

Wild and uninhibited, you enjoy all of life's vices.
You're a total hedonist, especially with sex, gambling, and drinking.
You shine brightly every night, but you do the ultimate walk of shame each morning.

Famous Las Vegas residents: Wayne Newton, Howard Hughes, Penn & Teller, Siegfried & Roy

What American City Are You?

Tee Hee

2006-06-12T08:27:00.000-07:00

The longest fence in the world is in Australia, and runs for over 5,530 kms. It's designed to keep dingos away from sheep, which is why they end up eating babies instead.

World Cup thoughts.

2006-06-11T14:18:00.000-07:00

England are so beyond screwed it's acutally sad. They are finished.

Portugal are finished aswell.

Germany won their game 4-2 but conceeded two goals to Costa Freakin Rica. When they face Brazil [should they face Brazil] they are also in deep deep trouble.

There are no real stand outs so far. Argentina [bless] played well. They looked ok but will need to step it up a notch to win it.

Brazil. They haven't played yet but they will win it. I don't see how they can loose. The way the other big teams are playing Vs. the talent they have, they've already won it.

Kind of disappointing so far but still makes me feel all warm and funny inside.

Foul Ball Chasing Aaron.

2006-06-11T14:15:00.000-07:00

Foul Ball and blogger Joey Eisenzimmer has now hit 5 home runs in 4 games played. We actually played last wednesday. We won. Highlight of the night was the triple play. Dave caught a ball, tossed it to Brett on second, then Brett threw it to Boomer [me] on third.

Long time foul ball Chris was brutally robbed of about 3 great hits. One was a hard line drive, the other a hard grounder, and the third a massive shot deep in the out field. He was out unfairly on all 3.

Foul Blogs: A Foul Balls Update.

2006-06-06T20:07:00.000-07:00

Rain. Fucking. Sucks.

6 games. 2 called for rain. 1 for injuries. I cut short cause of injuries. 2 actual games played.

Gay.

RHCP

2006-05-29T09:01:00.000-07:00

Got me tickets. Going to be going to the Calgary show. Just so happens that my mom also bought a new car and they had a deal for a free Vegas trip. Only catch being that the plane leaves from Calgary. Oh wait, I'll be in Calgary. Well that's a happy accident now isn't it? Shoot how did that happen? Oh well if I'm gonna be there anyway, ya know?

Foul Blogs

2006-05-29T08:44:00.000-07:00

I haven't recapped a Foul Balls game for awhile now. Fellow blogger and secret Marxist The Night is also blogging about the team.

So far this year we have won 2 lost 1 and had two people injured. It has been a crazy season. I have hit 3 homers, the Night almost hit a homer, and we have shaken some of the "excess weight" we acquired last year.

As the Night mentioned the emotional core of the team was disrupted when Ryan Simms took a shot in the face [not like that]. He was rushed to the hospital and looks to make a full recovery. The very next game while playing catch Steve through a ball that was always moving away from me. I reached across my body but couldn't get the ball and it ended up implanting itself in team Co-Manager Daves face. So he went down with a badly swollen eye.

overall it's been a strange start to a season. We've never done so well and been hurt so badly.

OMG The Night/Irish Eyes

2006-05-27T20:27:00.000-07:00

you have to go see X-Men 3. I hear through the "kids" that they have a trailor for a certain movie. A certain movie containing snakes, on a plane!!!!!

My wikipidililihkd-dia challenge

2006-04-30T03:32:00.000-07:00

31 BC - Roman Civil War: Battle of Actium - Off the western coast of Greece, forces of Octavian defeat troops under Mark Antony and Cleopatra.

1969 - The first automatic teller machine in the United States is installed in Rockville Center, New York.

1649 - The Italian city of Castro is completely destroyed by the forces of Pope Innocent X, ending the Wars of Castro.

births

1948 - Terry Bradshaw, American football player

1966 - Salma Hayek, Mexican actress

1982 - Joey Barton, English footballer

Deaths

1969 - Ho Chi Minh, Vietnamese president and prime minister

2005 - Bob Denver, American actor (b. 1935)

421 - Constantius III, Roman Emperor

Questions

2006-04-28T19:15:00.000-07:00

So here is my problem. It centers around my FIFA 06 career. I had left my team Roma for greener pastures with Real Madrid. However that experiment sucked and a year later I was back with Roma. BUT while I was gone my level 10 stadium had turned into a level 6 one and I couldn't afford my players. Two years on and I'm still hurting for cash and have sold all but 1 of my main stars. So I have been forced to rebuild this team from the ground up.

Now the question is do I stay with Roma and build a dynasty? Or do I leave for say, England and take a team there and start to build my dynasty? Maybe take a team from the Championship and take them to the prem?

Or do I go to South AMerica and manage a team like Corinthians?

The current season is almost over and a decision has to be made. There is also the lure of 45,000 dollars for a loyalty bonus.

oh woe. woe is me.

I'm going to die

2006-04-24T14:29:00.000-07:00

well there is a possiblity but probably not. Tomorrow [april 25] I go in to get teeth pulled. I hate it. I am a nervous wreck. I've had two pulled before and survived, but I don't know. This time I am having major panic attacks. MAJOR. I have been shaking for the past week, I can't sleep, I can't take it. I am debating getting two pulled at once, just to get it over and done with once and for all. I think that's the way to go. AAAAAHHHHH fuck. I'm going to just be in pain for the next week might aswell double it and get it over in a one time thing.

man. This truely sucks.

2 games to go

2006-04-03T14:25:00.000-07:00

I think anyway.

The Ligers have finished their first year in soccer in 5th place overall and 2nd in their division. I scored 4 goals and got carded once.

I think we are now in the semi finals. Win there and it's the finale. Win there and WE ARE CHAMPIONS!!! I think all preasure is off as we have more than exceeded expectations.

COME ON YOU LIGERS!!

The Latest

2006-03-30T23:18:00.000-08:00

Not really sure. Nothing much new, no new songs downloaded, nothing major happening in my life.

Last two soccer games are Friday Saturday. Becoming a little disinterested in the games. Played poorly the last couple times and this game every month nonsense is killing it. For the amount of money we had to pay, I dunno kinda bullshit. Still want to do it next year but, something needs to happen.

Still undecided about Germany and touring Europe again. Last time I went I basically decided to go and 10 days later was off. I just sort of did it. This time I have been thinking about it for almost a year and don't know if I want to be bothered with it. It's like I don't really enjoy flying a whole lot, I hate flying over the ocean cuase I know if the plane goes down I am going to be the sucker who lives. Ya know? Like I think I could survive the crash then I'd be sitting in the middle of the fucking Atlantic with a whole lot of big fish waiting to eat me. Seriously this is my major hang-up about going over there. What if the plane crashes or some crazy terrorist hijacks us? I refuse to go down like that when I don't have to. Plus the prices for everything are going to be nuts, I don't speak the languages, it costs a lot.

Vegas is a second option. That's a smash hit for sure. just go there for 2 weeks or something.

Or I just stay in Regina and play softball. Whatever happens I think come summer or once I have decided what the future holds I am going to take at least two weeks off of work. I just need to not think aobut or have to deal with it for awhile. To much same ol same ole.

Ok, these commercials for old man penis poppers have to stop...NOW! Cialis, Vigra, etc. There comes a time when nature tells you no more. You shouldn't mock nature. It's forever you aren't. Trying to alter it is not a good idea. All these commercials of old people dancing cause they are so happy to have a boner again. Gross. There's a time to explore and show your sexuality, after you turn 40 it stops. Sorry, I just don't need to see that.

Smittys is, Smittys. I've sort of stopped caring. I mean I try and do a good job cause I just have to, but I don't do it for anyone else. Case and point tonight. Sure sure everything was clean and put away, but did I go that extra mile to make sure the morning cook was happy? Fuck no. I was tired, I got orders galore late and had had enough. I cleaned, I stocked, I half assed some stuff and I went home. Way I see it everything was clean and everything was more or less stocked so fuck it.

Last week this other cook and I cleaned a good portion of the kitchen, you know what was said? The opening cook ignored all the cleaning [the cleaning she fucking bitches about us doing nightly, cause it's so slow on nights. Not like those INSANE mornings] and bitched that I hadn't pulled another taco beef out cause the one on the line was half full. This was on a Monday night leading in to a Tuesday morning by the way. Hardly the 'peak' of the weeks buisness. Oh and I didn't re-fill the mushrooms. Go eat a bag of royal fuck bitch. Lets see your fat ass do more than bake brownies and wash a wall. Haul those dimples up a ladder and scrape the grease under the canopy. Twat.

My mood isn't helped by the dishwasher. I've complained about him numerous times but Jesus does he frusterate the shit out of me. The other night it is so ungodly dead. He makes 63 text messages on his phone. My cutting boards and dishes sit dirty while he sits and texts some bitch on his phone. When I confronted him about it he looked like "who are you? You go for smokes! blah blah blah" Wrong time of the night fuckface. I left as it was 10 and he was like

"don't you still have to put water in the steam tables and put on the cutting boards?" I told him "nope, it's your job tonight." The fact that he didn't understand why speaks volumes. Tuesday night he forgot the soup pots. I didn't but I have reminded or gotten them for him so many times that I decided to just leave them. I felt that was a just punishment especially as he opened the next morning.

Like this guy is just dense. Stupid you might say. On said Wednesday morning the cook had 8 bills and was alone. He feels this is the right time to ask for a sweet and sour chicken stir fry. He then complained that he didn't get it right away or something. Amazing. He also wants to start cooking cause he has some "grill experience" working at a fucking cafeteria. Yeah it's just like that nimrod. I swear if he ever starts on the line I hear by state I will not show up for work if scheduled with him. It's just not ever going to happen where I am caught in a supper rush with this guy helping me. "Hey does this chicken fiesta get chicken?"

*sigh*

There is this one chick who works in the bar. I don't know how to explain this. Here's a quick bullet styled summary

-lazy
-doesn't serve customers unless manager is present, has heard complaint that she is lazy, or is just busy as fuck.
-complete gossip who twists stories to insane degrees.
-talks to me in fucking baby voice
-orders wings and returns to kitchen 5 mintues later to get them. Orders Cheese burger and returns 20 minutes later to get it.
-Fucks me up with alarming regularity with her orders. The other night she gave me the wrong info on wings 3 times on the same order. I made the right thign the first tiem. I knew I had. She said no. I was looking at the bill. Finally she comes back and, yes admits I had it right. Then comes the "Joey are you mad at me?" YES!! I want to clean up and you and your fucking orders are seriously disrupting my chi.
-She constantly reminds me that she needs a side sauce even though it's written. Look cock smoker I can read your bill I know you need this sauce. How about letting me put up the wings that are in my hand first then turn around and get it for you. AND CHANGE YOUR CLOTHES ONCE IN AWHILE!!!

When the assistant manager talks to you about how all the servers are standing around the servery talking to eachother rather than working and then proceeds to go out and JOIN in on the conversation you stop talking that person seriously. The other night a waitress had to fight to get to the wheel and put up her order cause of the blockade. She is a small girl too, with a very soft voice and the faint "excuse me's" went unheard.

Tonight some dick customers made one of the waitresses cry. Do they not know the rules? Surely they realise that fucking with the staff {staff I happen to quite like} means I have to fuck with them. It doesn't just happen in movies kids.

Switching topics. In soccer news my team Arsenal beat Juventus 2-0 the other day. If they can go all the way in the champions league this year a happy boy it will make. In my FIFA 06 career I left Roma and joined with Real Madrid for a season. Horrid. I won all the cups but quickly returned to Italy and the team 'heart' built. Wayne Rooney [Wayner] continues to refuse my advances insisting that his club in the SWISS league is more prestigious than my multiple cup winning side with HUGE history and dominaion of ITALY!. Dink.

yup

2006-03-16T09:50:00.000-08:00

The Glory of FIFA 06

2006-03-09T00:22:00.000-08:00

I am in year 6 of my 15 year managerial career. having dominated the league and europe for all 6 or those years I won enough cash to buy some players. One of those players was a little Portugese fellow named Christiano Ronaldo AKA The Skinny Ronaldo.

Now I was playing a game against Inter Milan and down 2-1. It was late in the second half. I had TSR [The Skinny Ronaldo]playing just behind my two strikers Robinho and Cassano. Cassano got the ball and TSR ran forward. I passed to him and he proceeded to nut meg the defender behind him without looking, spin, run onto the ball and chip the on rushing goalie. 2-2. A moment of such joy swept over me that I just started pumping my first to no one in paticular.

in stoppage time, which in this game is like 4 seconds, TSR got the ball again. My theory was, much like Ronaldiho, C-Dawg makes things happen. He took the ball from the center circle, jinked out 3 defenders, ran straight at the last one, cut at the last second and blasted a shot from outside the penatly area that flew with the speed and power of Oprah at a fancy purse store just before closing, into the top left corner. 2-3. I was so fucking happy at this moment that I refused to play another game and haven't since. Nothing could be as great as these goals.

This is the glory that is FIFA 06. Oh and also Shawn Wright Phillips scored a great goal after using some sweet ball controll. But really who cares when TSR is turing into the new Ronaldiho.

Kayne West

2006-03-04T23:15:00.000-08:00

Like rap or hate rap you can't deny this guy = money. Take for example his latest video. Five star entertainment. He plays daredevil Evel Kaynevel and recreates the snake river jump or whatever the hell that stupid stunt Evel Kenevel did all those years ago.

Now there are about 4 points in this video that make it one of the greatest videos of the new millenium. Point number one. Pam Andersons acting. It's actually good. She plays the trophy wife and worries about Kaynes daring stunts. Point number two. I forget the girls names but these two girls one a former lover interupt a press conference Evel kanyevel is having. Garunteed funnier than any movie this year. Point numbers 3 and 4 almost happen together. The first being the introduction of MC No Game. This unknown rapper just suddenly bursts on screen and starts dancing and rapping. The fourth power point in this 3 minutes of genius is a quick one shot of this dude with an afro doing the fonzie "AAAYYEEE". Also of note is how happy Kayne looks when he firsts is shot into the sky in his rocket.

Overall a great great video. I don't think he has actually made a bad one yet. But I strongly recommend wasting time watching Much Music to see it. or just find it on the net or something.

Tappa Tappa Tappa

2006-02-25T00:25:00.000-08:00

"Why in my day we never had tappa tappa tappa. I would have killed for tappa tappa tappa. Now, once again....tappa, tappa, tappa."

The Dishwashers Suck

2006-02-24T04:38:00.000-08:00

yup they do!

God it hurts to talk about it. I don't understand how they do it. It's washing dishes it isn't difficult. You just wipe stuff off then put them in a machine and put the plates etc back where they go. That is it. How does that trip people up?

Well story one and this one sent me into a rage. I was shaking when I heard about it. I wanted nothing more than to punch the life out of this one dude.

So the guy who is straight off the farm, numbnuts. He got a cell phone the other day with a camera in it. He proceeds to take a picture of one of the waitresses as she is walking away. I was having a smoke at the time but the other cook Pete was coming out of the freezer and saw him snapping a picture of her ass as she bent down to get some bush pans or something. pete bitched him out, I was upset he didn't punch him in the throat. What a dickface. Man I couldn't handle it. I was shaking later on that night. I so badly wanted to catch him doing it again.

The other night Kristy was in the bar. As usual she was really busy cause for somereason everyone feels it nessessary to order anything and everything from her so she goes to get more beer. While in the beer room numbnuts decides that a hilarious joke would be lock her in the beer room. Where, if anywhere that would be funny I don't know.

Also he needs to be babysat. Now I'll freely admit I am a suck and like having things done for me. Also the fact that people usually do do things for me does nothing to curtail this. BUT a line has to be drawn. Dickface comes in the other night as he usually does cause his life is empty and no one likes him and the resturant is the only place in the universe that people actually talk to him. I am sitting with the two closing waitresses Tiff and Cyd. He sits down with us and asks for some hot chocolate. Now, the resturant is closed. There are no other customers. Cyd says she will make him some hot chocolate. He watches her get up and turn on the machine. He watches as she puts it in a mug. He walks to the back to talk to the other dishwasher. We three are walking away cause they are done cash out and are going home and I am going to the bar. The hot chocolate is still sittign there and I say to Cyd that I think he wants her to feed it to him or something. She says do you still want your hot chocolate? His reply "Oh I didn't know that was mine." You asked for it. She said she'd get it for you. You watched her get it. The store is closed. WHO ELSE COULD IT BE FOR!!!!!!

K so now. Goofy has a habit of turning up "The Suck" a lot. He tends to leave a lot un-done at the end of the night. So the other night the assistant manager tells him all this stuff he has to do as it is his job. She says to me makes sure he does it. Comes the end of the ngiht I wander to the back to check on him and he is gone. None of it is done. He comes in the next day. He asks me how he did the other night. I don't know why or how but I just lost it. I ran the gambit. I yelled, I swore, I made fun of him in a demeaning manner. Wonderful. I basically explained how I was pissed at doing his job for him. His excuse was that he has to catch a bus. Well then get your shit doen faster. I also made the point that pete who is not even a dishwasher covered a shift a couple Sundays ago and was done by 8:30. So, like it is possible. Also his statement that it was pointless to clean a sink made me stare blankly. SANITATION fartknocker. Christ.

The other day Steve-O dropped this metal grate that is used in the deep fryers. It is about 400 degrees. Steve was trying to pick it up with this metal rod thing. He was having trouble so Numbnuts bends down to PICK IT UP WITH HIS BARE HANDS!!!! Steve is like "NOOOOOO!" and informs him how hot the damn thing is. He replys that "I've been burned before." No, not liek that you haven't. That thing doesn't burn it like, melts. It will melt your skin.

Other night other dishwasher was on. This guy is slow. SL-OOOOOOW! I told him at quarter to ten that I needed my two steam tables, cutting boards, and pail. I did the steam tables and pail, and at 11:00 he still hadn't started the cuttign boards. The servers also said they needed silver wear. 11:00 he still hadn't done it. I have no idea what he was doing but I don't see how you can be that slow. I just left. I showed him how the boards go on but I doubt he did it. But it's not my job to sit and wait for him to do it. I want to go home. My day is done. Why should I have to sit and wait an extra 25 mintues or so for him to finish. Plus he still had to mop his floor and take out garbage. I dunno. I'm already done with these two. I hate having to sit around and constantly tell them what to do. They've been there long enough now they should know.

Lost My Edge

2006-02-11T06:47:00.000-08:00

So I used to be good at gambling. The last 4 times have been horrible failures. The other night I went to the Casino with a co-worker. He went in blind on a hand and got 3 aces in 3 card poker. This was enough for him to earn about 200 bucks for that hand. I, playing with strategic prescion was loosing. I moved over to Carribean Stud where I couldn't buy a pair or if I got a pair the dealer didn't qualify. Co-worker then proceeds to win more sweet cash. Over to Let it Ride and co-worker doesn't even know how to play. I again am dealt a bitter hand of humliation and he wins. I was plenty pissed. I did however make a nice little comeback at Blackjack. I turned 10 bucks into 75 in about 15 minutes. I also won 20 bucks betting on the horsies. I bet on a horse called Morning Glory cause of the obvious reference to the great English band Oasis. He came thorugh.

New story about dishwasher. He is supposed to clean the back staff area but never does. So the other night he pours salt all over the table and writes his frickin name. Of course he gets in trouble as the opening cook had a fucking brain anyerism or something over it. God did I laugh at that. both the act and the consequence. HA-HA-larious.

I wish there was more to talk about but there really isn't much happening. The other day I didn't want to talk to the dishwasher so I put on head phones and just stuffed the cord into my pocket. I didn't actually have them plugged into anything but it worked. Some class acting on my part really sold it.

Tonight is the much anticipated match between the McNallys Ligers and the QC Selects. 4 goals scored in 13 matches for the Selects so you better believe I am amped for this one. I fully intend to break myself in half tonight trying to score a hat trick. Lets hope The Nights Sweet left foot returns and he sets up a few more goals.

Anyway I have to pee so I'll end this now.

TTYL Kthnxbye!

Well here we are

2006-02-07T00:20:00.000-08:00

I sort of forgot about this. Anyway here is what has happened to me in the last month

............

Now that that is out of the way, the McNallys Ligers play another rousing game of Footy this coming Saturday against a team with FIVE goals scored. AHAHAHAHAHAHA chumps. Should be a demolishion. Speaking of demolishion Dave and I are sort of the Axe and Smash. I have long hair and dave doesn't, really that's where the comparison ends but writing demolishion just made me think of that WWF tag team. They were cool. Yeah, right? So our last Soccer game we won 12-0. TWELVE FRICKIN NIL!!!! I opened the scoring by knocking in a garbage goal after a deflection and team wonder boy Graham something or other followed it up with the first of what would be 4 on the night for him. Fellow AWOL blogger and secret Liberal sympathizer The Dead of the Night AKA Brett Le...[nah just kidding] set up a wonder goal. Basically the ball came to him in our half of the pitch and he "gaver a lash"TM. The ball sailed majestically through the air and found this girl on our team who headed the ball over the goalie and in. That made it 4-0 and we were crusing. My second goal came as something of a shock. inside our own half the ball rolled to me and I side footed it. It went up, curved down, and went in. easily a 35 yard shot. Other goals of note were Foul ball main stay Dave who had a late surge and knocked two in. We are now 3-5-3 with 3 wins, 5 losses, and 3 ties. Really that doesn't do justice to our awesomeness though as we should have won at least two of those games.

Fan support at the games continues to disappoint and I point the finger squarely at When Irish Eyes Are Smiling. No reason really I just need a scape goat and I just came from his blog. Good to know that family doesn't care. Whatever.

On the work front I don't work at two resturants anymore. I sort of failed to show up, which is becoming a habit [a habit the more I think about it I have been unable to break since kindergarden], and missed a buch of work at the Rack and was promptly canned. I accept it. I actually found out I was fired as I walked in to quit. So everybody wins.

Smittys continues to be Smittys. We lost one of my favorite people ever there as dishwasher Tom disappeared. That sucks a lot. Basically there are two people who stand above the rest that I enjoyed working with and one was Tom. The other, a delightful little english girl named Claire only works weekend days and I am weekday nights so that sucks. Daves brother Steve is also new and I don't think I've blogged about that yet. He is great to work with. we sort of have simular personality traits only he doesn't seem to have the horrible sense of self destruction I have. He's probably my favorite cook to cook with. Always an easy shift. We got some new dishwashers. Now I will start a new paragraph for this.

Dishwasher A. Fuck this guy. Right off the goddamn farm. HEY. HI. GOT SOME BILL THERE? as there are 4 bills in front of me and food on. No dipshit I just wrote these up and decided to cook this shit so I could throw it in the garbage and waste time. Ass. One time he went on his break after I told him to. See he was standing there arms crossed staring at us cook. WTF? do something. I don't care what, re-arrange you fucking CD's for all I care. So I say go on your break. he does. he comes back and there is a mountain of dishes. He uses the one hand approach and takes for gods ever to get caught up. At one point he has to go clean the bathroom or something so I through some plates in cause I'm running out. He is what happened:

Guy to Joey taking plates out of dishwasher: "Did you put some plates through"
Joey: [quietly] yeah.
Guy: did you need them?

No asshole I just thought I'd drop everything I was fucking doing to saunter over here and throw a load through. Just for old times sake and shits and giggles. Retard.

He also one night tried to get one of the waitresses to do his last load of silver wear cause he had to go. I hear a voice calling me so I go into the kitchen and see this girl sorting spoons and stuff. I ask why are you doing this? Your night is over, go home. Well Spud said he had to leave and blah blah blah. OH HELL NO. Now I can sort of keep things in check but sometimes I forget and naughty words come out with ease. So when numbnuts came aroudn the corner a few Devils prayers were uttered and he sorted the stuff as waitress and I went for a smoke.

Kristy also has a theory that he may be in love with me. Frankly this is to disturbing to spend anymore time thinking about. Of all the people who work there who could be in love with me...this guy. I'm gonna just go jump infront of bus now.

Dishwasher two is pretty damn good. He gets stuff done. the dishpit is clean, and he doesn't have an air of rape about him. So of course he is leaving or at least taking reduced shifts.

other than that all is going well.

well till next month

Smittys Christmas Party Wrap Up

2005-12-21T02:23:00.000-08:00

wow. .... wow. ummm, hmm. Uh.....k. so... well.

I get to the Rack at about 8 o'clock. it's pretty slow so myself and steve go play pool. I of course sabotage my game in the final strech as always when the tranquillity is broken by a girl, for the sake of this story we will call, Jam. Wholy fuck. My god this girl set out to have a good time tonight and acheived it ten fold. I have never seen someone just go so full out in order to have fun. At one point a plate of shooters was brought out and she downed about 6 in a row [hogging them i might add] and then went from there. T-shirts came off, girl girl kissing was the act of the day and not a single person was left un dry humped. The game of Twister, as expected by all, disintagrated into a soft core porn from the word go, no pool table was left unmolested, and now one will feel very good tomorrow but it was fun.

I would also like to point out that I smoked like a pack tonight and Steve drank 3 scooners, 4 shots, and two beers and wasn't even buzzed. That was impressive. A scooner would probably kill me. maybe not though. I've tried that before by annahilating a bottle of Jack Daniels in 45 minutes and survived.

after the orgy at the Rack everyone went to Sparkys. This was the highlight of the night and probably my year. I walk in and this big guy starts talking to me. It took me a second or two to figure out who it was. When I realized who it was I was like "OH FUCK". It was one of the guys I grew up with. One of the two men I can honestly say I love. Not gay love ya know but like brother love. I turn around and there's the other guy I've known since I was about 5. I haven't seen them in about 5-6 years so needless to say I was super fucking happy. We talked and basically it seemed as though we had just hung out the night before. We still made fun of eachother, laughed about old times, all that stuff. Man it was great. I watched one of them sing Twisted Sisters classic We're Not Gonna Take It.

anyway it was a great night and special shout out to CB who bought me some swell T-shirts one of which I am wearing right now.

Also I guess I am going to Vancouver in May to hang out on a Yacht or something. well Ta...

I think I have a Rout

2005-12-20T09:09:00.000-08:00

Germany, Amsterdam, down through Sweden, Switzerland, into Italy, home. I want to make it back to Spain though. Also the FIFA website is advertizing Hotels to use. Apparently some douche or duetch bags are jacking up their hotel prices for the world cup by 183%. Sounds fun. I've been through that before. a 45 dollar room for 150 bucks. not fun. I also stayed in what was essentially a janitors closet for 50 bucks a night. I did have a window with a wonderful view of a wall.

aaahh what to do.

I've been up for almost 24hours at the moment. I need to sleep. The big Smittys christmas party is tonight. I'm not so stoked. I don't want to be snobby though. I'll go and hang out for awhile then head home or over to blockbuster. I've been wanting to make it a blockbuster night for awhile now. Also prediction for tonight something will make it a train wreck. I state here a full 10 hours before the party that something will happen that people will be embarrassed about or hurt from.

well that's it.

?

2005-12-16T03:49:00.000-08:00

?

2005-12-16T03:27:00.000-08:00

Movie Review.

The Island - a Micheal Bay feature.

-Scarlette Johanson is the hottest girl ever without question.
-God she looks good.
-Story sort of crumby.
-Good effects
-like every other Micheal Bay show.
-Tries to get deep with human cloning, and the ethics about it and shut up just blow up ten more cars.

overall enjoyment factor: 6/10 mainly cause Scarlette is pretty.

Fantastic 4

-Jessica Alba is hot.
-The bald fat guy from that show no one watches The Sheild is a good actor.
-The rest of the cast are not.
-Dr. Doom is lame. He is not menacing in the least and the casting director for this movie blew it big time.
-The special effects are decent.
-The Human torch is funny.
-The story was...well I can't remember it so it must have sucked.
-Jessica ALba is pretty.

Overall enjoyment factor: 7/10 mainly cause I like comics and jessica Alba is hot.

King of the Lost World

-Supposed to be how King Kong and Jurassic Park should have been
-Not as good as King Kong or Jurassic Park.
-terrible terrible acting and effects.
-Story makes no sense what so ever.
-To be honest I FF through most of it but I did catch the name of the big Gorilla in the movie, "King Gorrila".

overall enjoyment factor: 2/10 mainly cause it sucked on almost every level.

In closing Jessica Alba and Scarlette Johanson are both hot and should oil wrestle.

Some Quick Movie Reviews

2005-12-12T00:36:00.000-08:00

this is a topic completely and utterly lifted from WIEAS blog.

First off I have rented the following from Blockbuster

Lord of the Rings 1, 2, 3
Cowboy BeBop the Movie
Musa The Warrior
Blood. The last Vampire

First off was Blood the last Vampire. This was an animated feature that completely sucked. It was boring, the characters were crumby and the animation wasn't that special. I feel if you are going to rent an animated movie at least the animation should be cool.

Next up was Musa The Warrior. This is one of those Asian epics like Crouching Tiger and House of Flying Daggers. Unlike those movies this one wasn't very good. First off it stated that it was 5 years worth of planning and 60 million dollars worth of budget. I have no idea where the money went. The main characters job was to do the Stanely Kubric eye look. You know the one from A CLockwork Orange, The SHinning, 2001 and every other goddamn movie he ever made. The one that says "HOO I'm up to no good or am very intense at this given moment in time." So he did that a lot. The princess was played by Zhang Ziyi in a complete departure from the rest of the movies she's made that I have seen. She was also the cause of all the trouble in this film, again like every other movie she has ever done. Basically if she is in the movie lots of guys are going to be in love with her and die. This movie was bad. The acting was unbearable at moments and the story consisted of wandering around in the desert for 20 minutes then fighting ten guys then wandering then fighting, then wandering, repeated adnausia for about 3 hours. It seemed like the Asian Braveheart without being enjoyable.

Next up I decided to watch some LOTR. ALright, here's the deal. I know the movies took a long time to make. I know they are an acheivment. Enough. Like 40 hours of the same people saying "Shit these things took a long time to make. HEY did you know that this had never been done before? Man these things took a long time to make." It made me hate everone involved. I also got the special deluxe addition cause making a billion dollars at the theaters wasn't enough, they wanted to rape the goons who love this stuff like a fat kid loves cake a little harder. The problem with deleted scenes is thus. They weren't good enought to be in the finale product. So why would I want to see them afterwards? They sucked that's why they got deleted. Idiots.

I just finished watching Cowboy BeBop the movie. This was a stellar show. The animation was unique, the characters were very well developed, the music was great and the story totally engrossing. I recommend this to anyone. Basically it's in the future and this group of folks are bounty hunters. They go after the biggest bounty ever after a terroist explodes a tanker truck in downtown. Inside is a chemical agent of sorts. It's these micro robots that enter your system and start eating away the bone marrow then kill you. Cool. There are cover ups galore and twists and everything.

Anyway I am off to watch the lord of the rings now.

Can you tell I lost patience with this blog about 2 seconds in? I stuck with it though. Go me.

Is Neil Young the Greatest Song writer ever?

2005-12-05T03:52:00.000-08:00

yes. yes he is. All these morons who try and tell me that these new kids are good or this guy writes good songs can go live in Cambodia. No one writes better songs than Neil Young.

Run down:

1. Heart of Gold. Possibly the greatest song ever.
2. Harvest Moon
3. Needle and the Damage done.
4. Hey Hey My My [into the black]
5. Souther man
6. Ohio - written in 45 minutes after Neil went into the woods behind his house with his guitar
7. Cinnamon Girl

God I love him.

Also Queen may be one of the top bands ever. I have just rediscovered the glory of queen.

I'm a Stupid Jerk Who Searches For Golf Equipment. My Name is Goofy Nuts

2005-12-03T01:13:00.000-08:00

Oh yeah. EAT IT!! EAT IT RACHEL and your little cronies.

Why Reading sucks.

2005-12-01T03:39:00.000-08:00

This is why I can't read. I sit down, I open the book and, there's, like, words. Page after page after endless page of words. Descriptions. Who cares, get to the frickin point already. 300 F'N pages before I find out the dog did it. God it's so boring. I have TV sitting right there. All I have to do is press a button and turn it on and watch. Reading is out dated. People read cause they had no TV. How many people go see plays like Shakespear in the park nowadays? Like 2. Millions go to movies. Why? Cause it's better. I have a 150 goddamn channels there has to be something that is entertaining. Plus what if a book sucks? You spend like a week of your life reading something that you don't even like. If a tv show sucks you just change the channle 5 minutes in. If a books good they will make it into a movie and I'll rent it when it comes to blockbuster. Not going to sit down and read. Reading...

Damn Madonna

2005-11-29T12:46:00.000-08:00

Why can't she just be terrible already? It's always been my secret shame that I love her music. I could never admit it for obvious reasons but I have to say I love that new song of hers Hung Up. Video is good too. She's like pushing 50 and still looks damn good. Maybe not in the pink workout outfit but otherwise she still has it. Anyway I am still waiting for the day I can write her off as has been but I guess I'll have to wait cause I'm guessing this will be a massive album like everything else she has done [movies aside].

just for fun here is the evolution of my music listening.

Micheal Jackson - Guns N Roses/Queen/Metallica - Led Zep/Stones/Beatles classic rock - Punk Rock - Some rap - Dance.

almost full circle. Never country.

Rachel. About the Golf Equipment You Wish to Include in my Life and Blog

2005-11-28T23:44:00.000-08:00

Rachel we need to have a talk.

I'm glad you've found a hobby but your constant pestering me with it is becoming tiresome. If you would like to meet somewhere not golf related for a drink and an engaging dialouge on human issues I'd be more than happy to. But please, when it comes to golf, golf equipment, or wether tiger is really Asian or Black must stop here to and forever more.

I'm sorry it has to be this way but such is the harshness of this life we drift through. Please don't feel like I'm trying to discourage you in anyway, far from it my honey. I'm mearly mentioning that I may not share your same enthusiasm. Reality being I don't much care for the sport. I have even been known to lump it in the catagory of faggy college shit along with LaCross, badminton, and 'wally-ball'.

Please. Please don't cry like that. No, this isn't the course you've choosen to play. You've bougey-ed my comments, and we both know, that's not par for the course with you. Now, what are you, no. No. This isn't the way. Please. I didn't mean to hurt you. Listen stop crying. I may have been a little to over dramatic earlier. I don't hate golf just don't participate in it. Truth, heh, truth be told I'm not very good at it. HA, you should see me. I line up my shot and it "putters" out as soon as I hit it. But we both know that's how it goes for me. A real "slice" of life you might say. But I don't let it bother me. I don't carry around a "chip" on my shoulder.

There's a girl.

Oh shit did you have spagetti for lunch?

Sorry. No stop crying. I didn't mean to say that. Just maybe, no other side, yeah...next tooth, gross. yeah you got it.

nasty.

huh? oh nothing.

yeah I'd love to see. Where'd you get them the pro shop? Cool.

GAD-ZOOKS how many kalaidoscopes did you murder to make those pants! For Fucks sak...stop crying they look lovely on you. No I'm not just saying that. ALRIGHT I AM! They look like a Zebra spinning around in circles. Well...I mean really, who would look good in them? Ah geez, How can I end this?

.......

come out of the bathroom....

I'm a jerk....

yes I am insensitive to your aura...

OH NOW THAT IS A BIT MUCH! I refuse to admit I am Hitler reincarnet just to make you feel better about buying that look like a fucking Zebras diarrhea.

I didn't mean to snap. Rachel. honey. My love, my darling, my inspiration. This is re-goddamn-diculous.

you bought a shirt too.

.....

I won't make fun. I promise. Put it on, take it off, what's the difference you look beautiful no matter what. I'm not going to think less of you just because of a choice of shirt. I mean, that's just crazy talk.

The pants. The pants weren't my thing but I don't not love you. Lets be serious here. Just don't wear them when we are together in publ...

*sigh*

come back out.

Rachel come out.

there's my girl. Now lets see the shirt. NO I DO want to see it. I'll probably love it. (can't be worse than the pants).

Ok. you go back in the bathroom and put it on.

you. you and your suprises.

I'm ready.. *giggle* see this is my Rachel. Almost ready? K, I'll close my eyes.

........

Can I look?

O-H...Oh..oh. Brown and Orange, together at last huh? And that pattern..Checkers. Those just never go out of style.

Well I'm sorry, it's just that the shirt looks like A Tiger and an Oxen got thrown in a blender and...

Well listen. We're still friends right? K so lets just keep our hobbies seperate, I think that will be healthy for both of us.

Tah my dear Rachel. Remember, if you want this thing to work never mention this golf to me again.

ALright. I'll be over after work. See ya in a bit.

Now THAT's how to deal with spam!

This has been a What-the-fuck-man production. Copyright Harakiri823, November 28th 2005.

Somethings I have Learned Through Travel

2005-11-27T05:59:00.000-08:00

1. Young Arab men are the most obnoxious people the world has ever known.
2. Fresnos streets are litered with blood, broken bottles and and bullets.
3. LA is gay.
4. San Fran is gayer, but a nice place
5. Lisboa will rape you with hotel prices.
6. Lagos is fun. Nothing to do but drink and fuck.
7. Braga is a great place to relax.
8. Paris deserved to burn.
9. Barcelona has lots of clubs and lots of beautiful women. They also have snobby hotel desk clerks.
10. Valencia is amazing. Miles of beach, hot weather, and a small town. Perfect.
11. Las Vegas is my home. It's everything I dreamt about and consistantly lives up to it's hype.
12. Dutch people are super nice, they are also all on drugs.
13. Old Greek ladies offer me sex.
14. If you wear a Pink Floyd shirt random people from Alberta and North Carolina give you free drugs.
15. Being stuck on a bus for 25 hours with old people coughing up phlem and blowing their nose is a hell of epic grandure.
16. Canmore is boring.
17. Banff is filled with Aussies and Asians.
18. There is a Vancouver in Washington. Who knew?
19. It's not very cool.
20. Taking a train with a bunch of Spanish folks is a party. "Tunnle AHHHH!"
21. Smoking compartments on trains are cool
22. In Valencia the public toilets have the TP outside of the stall. You have to acuratly gage how much you will need before entering. This is not a happy experience.
23. Watching Soccer in a McDonalds filled with old men and young girls is fun.
24. Getting lost at night after the game is not.
25. The best smile I have ever seen on a girl was an english girl.
26. The greeks like to wear thongs and drink.
27. Cigarettes are the perfect ice breaker in a country were you can't speak english.
28. In Spain a beach is called "Playa"
29. Paris is for jerks.
30. You meet absolute weirdos on a bus. Not the class of society that's for sure.

This post came about after blogger crashed on me. I had a fantastic post about my Vegas adventure but it's all lost now. That was heart breaking.

Pussy Whipped without even hanging out.

2005-11-22T22:38:00.000-08:00

yeah I realized today I am completely whipped by this girl at Smittys. We have never socialized out side of work and probably never will. I have no real desire to do so either and I know she feels the same. Still I can't say know to her. I can't even get mildly angry at her. For somereason she has me.

Like today for instance. Fucking Ag-[grivation]-grabition is on. Nothing but hill billies and thier steaks. THe grill smokes like a mother fucker and actually at the end of the night you could see steak smoke pluming down the mall. I'm standing there getting a head ache, I've worked about 10 days in a row, I'm tired, I'm burnt out, I'm not a happy boy. Tonight I run out of bacon. The last orders I get are breakfast with bacon. They don't seem to stop for about 45 minutes. I normally would be letting out the swears and being a dink but I kept myself in check tonight cause for somereason she just has a way about her that I can't help.

She even put up probably the most obnoxious bill I have ever seen in my three years of cooking. A bene omlette [I had no hash browns or holi sauce], a bacon cheese burger [I had no big burgers], a meat lovers skillet, A grilled chicken ceasar, and a deluxe combo. That is the most annoying bill ever. Everything takes a different time to cook. Each thing has about 5 parts to it. I needed a smoke and had been busy. We were closing in about 45minutes. All these components usually lead to me throwing baked potatoes the lenght of the kitchen but I just smiled and made the order. At that moment I knew I was her bitch. Not only did I cook them without incident but I actaully took time and care diing so. Like I didn't throw it together, I tried. I never try.

horrible. What's even more horrible is if she wasn't the cutest thing ever I would have no time for her. A sad comment on my shallowness but meh.

She needed an ice cream scoop today. I was somewhat busy. I stopped cooking and went rifling through the drawer till I produced an ice cream scoop. She forgot garlic toast and was busy, I offered to make it. I have literally thrown peices of bread at people before when they politely asked me to do this. This time I volunteered.

What is it about a pretty face that turns guys into complete morons? Like, why does this happen and it's happened to just about everyone. You can be completely of sound mind and body and then suddenly it's as if you are stricken with some weird speach impediment or loose all ablitiy to function as a normal person.

well till next time.

Great Peice on Real Madrid

2005-11-21T21:11:00.000-08:00

There are so many truths in that peice. My faovrite line is the Iker Casillas one. Iker Casillas wore his Iker Casillas face, the one that says "Jesus Christ, you call that a defence?"

http://football.guardian.co.uk/continentalfootball/story/0,15758,1647638,00.html

How do I link people to my blog?

2005-11-21T20:29:00.000-08:00

Like Irish Eyes and The Night have me linked how do I link others? I wanna link Lickety Split, and of course When Irish Eyes are Smiling and The Dead of the NIght.

Why Green Day are Currently the Greatest Band Ever

2005-11-20T00:07:00.000-08:00

Green Day - Jesus of Suburbia Lyrics
-Jesus Of Suburbia-

I'm the son of rage and love,
The Jesus of suburbia,
From the bible of "none of the above",
On a steady diet of soda pop and ritalin,
No one ever died for my sins in hell,
As far as I can tell,
At least the ones I got away with

But there's nothing wrong with me,
This is how I'm supposed to be,
In a land of make believe,
That don't believe in me

Get my television fix,
Sitting on my crucifix,
The living room in my private womb,
While the Mom's and Brad's are away,
To fall in love and fall in debt,
To alcohol and cigarettes and Mary Jane,
To keep me insane and doing someone else's cocaine
---

-City Of The Damned-

At the center of the earth,
In the parking lot,
Of the 7-11 where I was taught,
The motto was just a lie

It says: home is where your heart is,
But what a shame,
'Cause everyone's heart,
Doesn't beat the same,
We're beating out of time

City of the dead,
At the end of another lost highway,
Signs misleading to nowhere,
City of the damned,
Lost children with dirty faces today,
No one really seems to care

I read the graffiti,
In the bathroom stall,
Like the holy scriptures in a shopping mall,
And so it seemed to confess,
It didn't say much,
But it only confirmed that,
The center of the earth,
Is the end of the world

And I could really care less
---
-I Don't Care-

I don't care if you don't,
I don't care if you don't,
I don't care if you don't care
I don't care if you don't,
I don't care if you don't,
I don't care if you don't care
I don't care if you don't,
I don't care if you don't,
I don't care if you don't care
I don't care if you don't,
I don't care if you don't,
I don't care if you don't care

Everyone Is So Full Of Shit!
Born and raised by hypocrites,
Hearts recycled but never saved,
From the cradle to the grave,
We are the kids of war and peace,
From Anaheim to the middle east,
We are the stories and disciples of,
The Jesus Of Suburbia

Land of make believe,
And it don't believe in me,
Land of make believe,
And I don't believe,
And I don't care!
---
-Dearly Beloved-

Dearly beloved, are you listening?
I can't remember a word that you were saying,
Are we demented? Or am I disturbed?
The space that's in between insane and insecure

Oh therapy can you please fill the void?
Am I retarded or am I just overjoyed?
Nobody's perfect and I stand accused,
For the lack of a better word, and that's my best excuse
---
-Tales Of Another Broken Home-

To live and not to breathe,
Is to die in tragedy,
To run, to run away,
To find what you believe,
And I leave behind,
This hurricane of fucking lies,
I lost my faith to this,
This town that don't exist

So I run,
I run away

To the light of masochists,
And I leave behind,
This hurricane of fucking lies,
And I walked this line,
A million and one fucking times,
But not this time

I don't feel any shame,
I won't apologize

When there ain't nowhere you can go,
Running away from pain,
When you've been victimized,
Tales from another broken home

Great Great friggin song

Mr. T

2005-11-17T22:12:00.000-08:00

1.The vegetarian group PETA one time tried to establish the catchprase "We PETA the fool who eats animals." Upon learning of this blatant theft of his catch phrase, Mr. T founded McDonalds.

2.The reason there are no known photographs in existence of a young Mr. T is that he is over 835 years old, and therefore pre-dates cameras. His age is attributed to Death being too scared of Mr. T to come for him. He tried once, but was pitied like a fool

3.Mr. T once got into a fight with a ninja. He killed the ninja, but only after the ninja had cut off two of his fingers. Those fingers grew up to be Gary Coleman and Webster.

4.Remember, only you can prevent forest fires. But also remember that you can't do shucks, because Mr. T is the one who starts them, and no one can stop that crazy fool.

5.Mr. T's umbilical cord was actually a large gold chain... the medallion didn't grow in until he was 6 months old.

6.As a kid, Mr. T loved to play the game of Hot Potato. Of course, he didn't play with a regular potato. Rather, Mr. T preferred playing with a live hand grenade. Mr. T pities the fool who's no good at hot potato.

7.85% of shark sightings in the Atlantic Ocean are actually just Mr. T swimming by with his 'Frohawk.

8.Mr. T through a rip in time was able to see a future where a horrible virus eats through anyone without tremendous amounts of gold protecting their heads in chain form. Don't believe me? Mr. T was right about the milk wasn't he...?

9.Mr. T's autobiography, "So Many Fools, Not Enough Pity," was awarded the Pulitzer Prize

10.According to Mr. T, Jibba Jabba is the official language of 99.9% of the world's population.

11.If at the exact same moment, the same person was pitied by Mr. T and roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris, the universe would implode.

12.Mr. T was originally cast to play "Wolverine" in the movie "X-Men". However, when the director disagreed with his request to change the title to "Mr.T Hates France", razor blades shot out of his knuckles and he killed everyone on set.

13.Mr. T once calculated the exact value of Pi using only his gold chains as a massive abacus. Unfortunately, no one has ever asked him how in fear of being pitied.

14.When asked what a pitying feels like, Mr. T responded "Rip off your own genitalia".

15.Mr. T invented Asian people, because he thinks they're cute and don't take up much room

Mr. T

2005-11-17T22:03:00.000-08:00

Chuck Norris

2005-11-17T22:00:00.000-08:00

1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

2. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop
the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets
with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer
amazement.

3. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned
beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

4. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris
instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly
thereafter he grew a beard.

5. Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No Asian Chicks.

6. Takeru Kobayashi ate 50 and a half hotdogs in 12 minutes.
Chuck Norris ate 12 asian babies in 50 and a half minutes. Chuck
Norris won.

7. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck
Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise,"
and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the
earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up.
This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it
was divided.

8. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus
the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other
Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their
combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly
after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

9. Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a
woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then
shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF
CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's
bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two
years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement
and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the
blast went deaf.

10. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris
smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7
different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for
30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

11. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by
yelling, "Bang!"

12. When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving,
Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his
backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it
whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully
cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him
how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and
said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

13. Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes,
just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids.

14. Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take
yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already
lost
my virginity.", then you are dead wrong.

15. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at
her and saying "booya".

16. Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris
roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.

17. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die
from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face.
He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and
buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

18. In one episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced
Carlton for one scene and nobody noticed.

19. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks
and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction
was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took
his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad
and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker
every second Wednesday of the month.

20. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

21. Chuck Norris punched a woman in the vagina when she didn't
give him exact change.

22. Chuck Norris has every copy of National Geographic in his
basement. He also has the ability to lift every single one of them at
once.

23. Chuck Norris ruins the endings of Harry Potter books for
children who just bought one for the hell of it. When they start crying
Chuck Norris calmly says, "I'll give you something to cry about," and
roundhouse kicks them in the face.

24. Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows
clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make
it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.

25. Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to
put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is
"his"
way.

26. Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to
roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs
and shit on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris.

27. At the end of each week, Chuck Norris murders a dozen white
people just to prove he isn't a racist.

28. Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and
I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they
are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse
kick the shit out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill.

29. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see
Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

30. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Vin Deisil

2005-11-17T07:39:00.000-08:00

Crop circles are Vin's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives."

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.

There is no "I" in team. There are two "I"s in Vin Diesel. Fuck you, team.

When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Vin Diesel!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

Vin Diesel once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

Vin Diesel coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULLSHIT!" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas.

Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Vin Diesel has two speeds: walk and kill.

Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

When Vin Diesel jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Vin instead.

Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Vin replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.

Even Vin Diesel doesn't know why no fact has a rating of 9 or above.

Vin Diesel played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.

Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.

Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Vin Diesel was the hunter who shot Bambi's Mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children's hospital.

Vin Diesel can divide by zero.

It takes 14 puppeteers to make Vin Diesel smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.

In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Vin Diesel, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him. 963 8.07
On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

You are what you eat. That is why Vin Diesel's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

Vin Diesel once ate the entire cake at a bachelor party before anyone could tell him there was a stripper in it.

When Vin Diesel does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Vin Diesel ripped out of all Charlie Brown's hair but left a single strand to remind him one day he'd come back to eat him.

When Vin Diesel runs with scissors, other people get hurt

Hey La..

2005-11-17T06:28:00.000-08:00

Hey, hey low-ah. H-ey La. Hey, Hey Low-ah.

Blogging Monthly Themes

2005-11-16T11:49:00.000-08:00

November - Pick on the Night
December - Coke cans pictured at bizare angles

06

January - The role of GI Joes in the homosexual community
Feburary - Why Dolls are made Asexual and the confusion it causes in youth
March - How many times you got high sniffing Mr. Sketch markers
April - Why we eat bunny poop.
May- Aren't clouds fluffy? Discuss
June - Casual racism month
July - How bout this heat?
August- Why we get screwed when it comes to summer
September - Aren't I cool? Discuss
October - Do we really need halloween to wear a mask? Deep introspective though.
November - Pick on the Night
December - Santas cholesterol level. Does it affect his colon?

Again, The Internet Sucks

2005-11-16T07:01:00.000-08:00

I just downloaded the November 14th howard stern show. It says it took me 70days and 14 hours to download.

I give up trying to understand things.

Do you Spit on People? Are you Totti?

2005-11-16T01:28:00.000-08:00

NO!. No Stankovick you're not and you don't. That is why you are benched. Do you score goals out of nothing from 35 yards out? Do you crack in free kicks from 28 meters on an acute right angle? NO NO NO! I bought your sorry ass on the cheap cause Inter didn't want you. I play you in the midfeild as per your wish and you still find ways to piss me off. Getting tired midway through the first half. Come on! Complaining that you don't get enough time on the feild, YOU"RE NOT TOTTI!! Unless your name ends in either Cassano, Montella, or Totti you are not playing every game and are going to be subbed off.

So in Fifa 06 I am Roma for the second straight year now. First year was truely fantastic as I won both the League, and Internazzional cups. I got some cash from my sponsors for this and decide to upgrade the team a tad. I spend 7,000[game points] on Stankovick thinking he is a decent player who will give me some added depth in midfeild and all he does is bitch.

Also my two back up strikers are complaining that they aren't getting the playing time they need. Well maybe if you would kick the ball and not fall down everytime you are passed to then you would play. Ass.

My dilema now is that I don't know if I want to be Roma anymore. I've been Real Madrid for the last two installments of Fifa but have yet to find a way to manage them on this version. Do I continue with Roma and make a, as the English would say 'din-a-stee', or do I forge on with the bare bones squad for another year and then try and find a way to manage Madrid.

I am quit happy with Roma but feel dirty in that I have played two seasons and have yet to see a player with the White shirt score in the Bernabeu.

And on another note pertaining to soccer coverage on the Tellie. Why the fuck do they no longer show the Spanish league games on TV? Fuck. The most exciting league in the world and no coverage. It's gay. Sure I can watch Le Mens play St. Eteinne but somehow it's just not as exhilerating as watching Barcelona Play Madrid in the Nuo Camp infront of 120,000 people who are throwing pigs heads at players who betrayed them. Like I could watch the french league or I could watch the best players on a generation compete at the highest level, thrilling me with insane controll and inventiveness on the ball.

ON another note. No Howard Stern Channels on Sirus Radio Canada? What the hell is that? Howard joins Sirius and they go from 300,000 listeners to 4 million in less than a year and the Canadian content board are 'unsure' about him? What are you unsure about? That he won't be popular, the he doesn't have the best entertainment program of any format in the world? Fuck Canadian content. It's horrible. Let's compare, Canadians have Nickleback, Amreicans have Metallica, Canadians have Joan of Arcadia, Americans have The Sopranos, Candains have Mike Bullard, Americans have Dave Letterman. There is a reason Canada is being saturated with American content...OURS SUCKS!

So in closing, Stankovick suck a cucumber, give me La Liga on TV and give me Howard Stern on Sirius radio.

thank you.

Stupid Internet

2005-11-15T20:55:00.000-08:00

Nothing ever downloads when I want it to. That and my computer is on it's last legs. I don't see much life left in the old man. It's going slow as hell.

but back to my downloading situation. I download the Howard Stern show everyday and listen to it after work. It's a nice way to relax before bed. Lately however the scumbags of the world aren't getting the shows up very fast and the downloads are taking for bloody ever. So i have nothing to take my mind off of things beofer bed. ALso i like to listen to the shows while I play a little Fifa 06. Listening to the anouncers in the game repeat themselves over and over gets annoying so it's a nice destraction.

I've been Zinged, and I love it!

2005-11-15T20:22:00.000-08:00

This is my 5th sentence from my 23rd post.

"They were orange."

Truely an emotional peak was reached with that one.

Lets get this out.

2005-11-12T02:17:00.000-08:00

I hate Karoke. I think it's lame. Loud music and bad singing. I do not want to be cornered in an area with no way out having to listen to a bunch of drunken maniacs singing some faggy song that I don't care about. I can hear Allan Miles Black Velevet ten times!! OH BOY. I don't like the original let alone a cover sung to some crappy cover CD. It's loud, you can't hear or talk to anyone, it makes my head hurt.

Why does every bar now have this? Are there that many morons around here? Fuck I need out of this city.

Well Joey you don't like that what do you like to do? Nothing. I just want everythng to stop. I've had enough. I just need to lay down. Just for like a half hour of peacefulness with no thinking or worrying. I'm so bloody tired.

On that note, I have work tomorrow. I really don't want to go. I think I don't have a day off till December. That's fun. Perhaps I may get 3 days. I'm not sure anymore.

This sounds like complaining but it's not. It is but it's not. So I work at the Rack and don't make enough money or get enough hours. I'm kind of missing some folks at Smittys. I go back to smittys, the dishwasher I like is on days [and good for him he deserves the hours] bummer, the waitress I like has school and works like 3 days a week all mornings, bummer. The new night staff are useless. Utterly. Like they are nice people but I just don't have tolerance anymore. I used to just be able to let it go, but I can't anymore. It bugs me now. Like when you walk to the servery 5 times without taking out your food that has been in the window for 10 minutes it bothers me. Mainly cause I know I am going to have to re-cook the eggs. The talking in the servery is also fucking annoying. Put up your goddamn bill first. Christ. Also the resturant now has hours cut down. I think that I am fine, I will loose only one hour a day [for now] but a lot of people are fucked. It sucks but I know that's the way it has to be. I can see a mass exodus coming from this. people simply aren't going to be able to get by with their new hours.

So recap. The people I wanted to go back and see I never see. The hours I went back for are no longer as good. I'm left with a job I could really care less about. I mean I like it but I could honestly give a fuck about some bitches veal 90% of the time. After you cook your 15th veal of the night and the 100th of the week you really stop caring about it. It's all very meh, ya dig? Like it's hard to get pumped for it. But that's why it's called "work" and not "fun"! :
Over to place two. That fat fuck who I want to throw into the deep fryer has again stunned me with his mental mind fuck. Dan found his wallet in a school yard. I FOUND MY WALLET IN A SCHOOL YARD. I FUCKING TOLD YOU THAT. You DEMENTED AIDS victem. I have to work with him for 5 hours tomorrow. I can't handle this.

I need a drug addiction.

New Blog.

2005-11-08T00:51:00.000-08:00

yeah. I'm not going to post much here anymore. Too many people know of this one and it's seriously limiting what I want to say. I know it's going to come back to haunt me. I've broken un-spoken rules of the internet. So this one is gone, for the most part. I'll still post about Soccer and stuff.

So adios.

yeah and cause I know most are pretty dumb, you're not getting the new one. If you find it you find it. Just look for horrible grammar abnd long angry rants.

people are dumb

2005-11-04T21:36:00.000-08:00

dumb.

Songs I've been listening too

2005-11-02T11:02:00.000-08:00

Billy Joel - Down Eastern Alexa
Richard Ashcroft - A song for the lovers [highly recommended]
The Offspring - Gotta Get Away [perfectly describes my mood 90% of the time]
Stevie Wonder- Part Time Lover
The Cells- The Servent[instrumental version]
Kula Shaker - Tattva [the song I want played when I score a goal in soccer]
Karen O - Hello Tomorrow
The Beatles - I am the Walrus [something I will shout when I score the goal]
Black Eyed Peas - My Humps [these guys can't make a bad song. 3 albums every song listenable. Probably the best thing in music at the moment.]
Johnny I Hardly Knew Ye [good old irish song]

well there it is. My first post that is not negative or about work.

I hate Blogging...Still

2005-11-02T10:29:00.000-08:00

Yeah I still don't like it. I went to register today to see how many hits I get and eventually where i will be in the blogsphere and man it just made me want to go jump infront of a bus. I have no idea what anything I read meant and cared so little I actually felt a little worse after reading it. Every second word had blog in it. It made my head hurt. I tried updating my, blog, but couldn't understand how to. They kept telling me that blog wanted this and blog wanted that and BLOG IS NOT A PERSON OR A THING IT'S NOTHING. How annoying that blog now refers to itself in the third person. Pretencious cunt.

oh and friendly reminder that shoe store in the goldenmile is not a footlocker and the Goldenmile it's self is not The Southland mall or the Cornwall.

You have to be seriously demented to get that confused especially when you work IN THE GOLDEN MILE and your job is a movie theater away from the shoe store. One more thing dick head, when Dan goes away, I don't care how long you've been there you are not my boss. Plus working from 11-10 is not 13 hours it's 11 you maniac. I know you heard Cam say something about working 13 hours and then just applied it to yourself but if you actually had anything resembling a human mind you could figure out what a load you just shit.

The Blue Nipple

2005-11-01T03:17:00.000-08:00

So here I am thinking about times long ago. I remember the infamous blue tit. The Blue Tit or nipple [depending on where you're from south/a little less south Regina] for those who don't know was this spot in a park by the Albert Street Bridge. It was a pond of sorts with a gazebo and wooden walk way. It was never full of water and the sides were perfect for skate boards and BMX bikes. It also had in the center this fountain that had perfect banks, it also resembled a a breast with nipple. Kids used to go there all the time to get high and skate or bike. It was one of those magic places that just happens.

So because it was such a cult area and so popular with the locals the city desides it is a black eye in this park and tears it out. Grass is now there. A hang out gone. For no reason. Well there are reasons: it was ugly, the neighbourhood didn't like the kids hanging out there etc.

I remember countless hours there with my bike trying to grind the sides and doing a variety of tricks off the tit. I have wrecked shins because of that place. Why they had to kill it is beyond me.

Now they have a "skate park" for all the pussy kids with helmets and elbow pads to go to and feel like they are special. They don't and couldn't understand the ghetto fabulousness of a place like the tit.

buncha posers. They are the people who walk with skate boards and have pegs on one side of a bike cause it "looks" cool or they saw it in a magazine. They shop at the Tiki Room and World of Trout cause they need those expensive skater clothes. Fags. They would have been eaten alive had they attempted one of my daily street runs. Drop in off a 7 foot ledge, no pads, no helmet onto flat concrete. They drop down onto ramps so "the impact doesn't hurt so bad". They couldn't find a line on the street if they tried. X-up from a curb and race into a grind on gaurd rail downtown. Take a set of stairs rather than 'coasting down' them. Fucking anyone can sit and roll down stairs, build up some speed and take the jump you geek. Mackenzie Art Gallery stairs I took the first flight in the air all the way down to the third stair. I had to hope for a landing cause the next set were coming mighty fast. Basically if you aren't prepared for blood you shouldn't be riding. If your knees and shins aren't cut up by the end of your session you failed. If you wrists don't ache from impact you failed. The Blue Tit knew this. It was smooth if you knew how to ride it if you didn't you got punished. The tit had no remorse. It wasn't aimed at everyone. It had a preset difficulty level. There was no learners corner. You learned through pain. If you couldn't hack it you never went back.

Just the sheer joy of hearing your friends cheer as you attempt some dopey trick and land it was the greatest sound of all.

But it's all gone now. Now it's grass. Grass. Fucking blades of grass. A little hidden eden. Grass.

Crazy Fog

2005-10-30T03:04:00.000-08:00

the other day the fog was stupid crazy. I heard it saying Phil Colins was talented. I was walking through Kingsmen Park and I couldn't see the play structure at all which caused me to trip into the sand pit. It was nuts. I then walked through the Par 3 golf course and could see the cloud moving by infront of me. It was like some crazy horror movie fog that kills things, only it wasn't and I'm obviously still alive.

Well 11 days of work over. I got all ignorant near the end. Last day at Smittys the prep cook did fuck all so I got all snotty and didn't do some things at close which proved nothing and accomplished nothing but made me feel slightly better for like 20 minutes after. I did most stuff but left the things I know annoy people, like not filling oil or not restocking bread. LOL SUCKERS!!! One time I closed pretty much close to perfect, even re-filling the fucking salt and pepper shakers and the opening cook [not the usual one mind] bitched cause there was 3 drinking glasses left on the counter and by the waffle iron. That made me laugh.

Today capped it as I had to work at the Rack. My first shift there since working with fucknut who went and got high and left me. To say I was not looking forward to today would be like saying Godzilla is small. I arrived an hour late. My reason was "fuck'em". See I knew it wouldn't be busy from 5-6 and I didn't much feel like spending that hour locked in conversation with this dude. I got there late and no one cared and actually were happy I bothered to show so it was win win. I sent him home at ten anyway. I didn't even reply to him tonight. I couldn't be bothered. I did say a few things but they were mostly negative and hurtful. Comments about weight were spared, barely.

Well tomorrow is Sunday and you know what that means! It's the lords day. I plan on spending it sleeping till like 4 in the afternoon then going to the mall to buy some sweet old school converse high tops. I may go to the park and kick around the soccer ball in preperation for the big triple header on friday/Saturday. I feel the goals in me. It's only a matter of time now. I am perfectly happy setting up goals a plenty but I may be selfish on a few occasions and try my luck. My first shot still lives in memory as a horrid scuffed shot that went nowhere and rather slowly.

Oh and my planned trip to Germany is still going on but something else has creeped it's way back into me. The need to visit Las Vegas. I'm sitting here listening to songs that I listened to travelling there and man is it making me miss that place. God I want to be there. I need to find a way to get citizenship in America. I really am American at heart. Fuck this Canada crap. I don't like the cold, I could care less aobut our issues and it's just not very interesting. I've spent 23 years here. I need to be somewhere else. The people the action the atmosphere...hooo crap. It's November and I'm sitting in Regina at 4:30 int he morning doing nothign. At least there I could walk the streets and meet interesting people. Here I can walk through the city and meet no one. Nothing is open. Nothing to do.

Vegas on acid. What a trip. Seeing people stumble home from a night of everything and anything looking beaten and scared but ready to do it again in 12 hours. amazing. I could get lost there. Somehow I managed to pull myself away last time but I actually started to cry a bit. It was the saddest thing ever. I just wanted to stay. Stay and be one with the city somemore.

I can't explain that place man. It just pulls me in. I think I'm in love. All I can do is think about it and wish I was there. I just want to be with it. Have it around me. regina is like a marraige. It's old and stale. It's reliable but who gives a fuck, that's boring. I like the new unexpected nature of the new girlfriend. It's fresh.

Maybe I should go there instead of Germany. Visit Lost Angels while I'm at it. Been awhile since we've been together.

well till next time.

Stevie Wonder is Cool

2005-10-26T02:44:00.000-07:00

Why was a movie not made about him? He's so much better than Ray Charles. Easily my favorite blind piano player.

Part Time Lovers
Superstition
Signed, Sealed, Delivered I'm Yours
Pastime Paradise

great stuff. anyway he's cooler than you and you should go by Talking Book and Songs in the Key of Life.

Incidentaly I have discovered the Goal celebration I will do when I score my first amazing goal for the Ligers FC. See I was watching an Italian soccer game the other day, Roma Vs. Lazio in a Rome derby. This complete dink who has the hottest wife ever Totti scored a goal. He then proceeded to grab the soccer ball, stuff it under his shirt, then his team mates gathered around him and one dude spread tottis legs and he strained and grimaced as he then proceeded to give birth to the soccer ball. This was a tribute to his hot hot wife who is prego. I feel that is the celebration that will accuratly discribe my joy of scoring a PHAT goal. Or I may just rip off the shirt and start yelling stuff and flexing like Hulk Hogan. either or really.

fuckers

2005-10-23T03:40:00.000-07:00

When you prep cook in the afternoon you check over everything and see what's low. After asessing the situation you then proceed to prep and restock things that are indeed low. Today I ran out of Carrots, Celery, Mushrooms, Chicken, and green onions. The prep cooks major job at the Broken Rack is to make sure you have the above mentioned. That's all you have to do. How, in 4 hours was this not done? How is it that when the new shift arrives at 4 and clearly is running out of food they don't take it upon themselves to go and do it? Like do you look at the fact you have no tomatoes and just hope a nacho doesn't come up for the rest of the night? Do you see no green onions and think, well maybe two of the biggest sellers on the menu won't be ordered? Fucking tards.

How can you not do a fucking hamburger and an order of dry ribs and battered mushrooms at the same time? Just the burger? like...ugh, I give up. They've done it. I'm broken and defeated. I accept it.

We are running out of bacon. I ask the dishwasher to throw in two trays. I shit you not this is the exact conversation.

"Can I get two trays of bacon."
"..."
"Two trays of bacon"
"You need bacon"
"yeah"
"How many trays?"
"two"
"Now?"
[no do it tomorrow you cunt"
"yeah I have none."
"It's 6:30"

at this point violent thoughts are screaming through my head. I want nothing more than to inflict hurt upon things. Why is this even happening? All I want is two lousy trays of bacon. Go 10 steps forward into the cooler and grab them, walk 20 out and put them in the oven. That's it. Takes less than a minute.

I make a motion to go and get it myself after showing signs of disgust.

"No I'll, I'll get it. I just wanted to be sure you wanted two trays"
"Yes, I need two trays."
"I'll put one in and see how you do."

leaves to put in a single tray of bacon.

I can't fully express the imense sense of loss. At that moment in time a small part of my being was murdered. 5 minutes of my life brutally taken away. There was no point, the was no end, there simply was.

If I say I need two trays of bacon then as the cook take my word that I do indeed need two trays. You are the dishwasher, stay by the machine and wash your grubby little dishes your goddless twat. There is a girl who is slightly handicapped. The night after again I needed two trays. I said, and I quote "I need two trays of bacon". Silence. A minute later "Joe I put your bacon in and set the timer." A handicapped person gets it instantly. Why must everything with this other person be met with justification and reason? Why can't you just bloody well do what I need to be done? Don't fucking argue with me on it. I needed two trays. One to burn for bacon bits, the other to use on orders. The first night I eventually did need a second tray. Allow me to convey that conversation.

"I need a tray of bacon"
comes shuffling over, monstrous glasses taking over the head and impossible purple strech pants blinding taste and quality the world over "Another tray! boy you sure are going through a lot of breakfasts tonight!"
"That's why I asked for two trays earlier"
"Usually you don't even need extra on night shift!"
[why are we talking about this? Why is my bacon not in the oven you miserable sod]
"I need a tray of bacon"
"The reason I didn't put any in before [OH SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET MY BACON YOU WHORE!]is that you don't want to much left over for morning [Stop telling me how to do my job and get my bacon. Please. I don't know what else to do. I have reached the limit of everything. I can't handle this] you know how she gets if there is to much left over [she doesn't get any way. She comes in and does her job. She's cranky cause morons like you and your dimwit husband drive people to suicide with your very being]"
..I go and get the bacon and put it in
"I could have done it for you, I mean it's not like I'm busy."

BANG

R.I.P Joey the cook. Time of death 8:45 October 15 2005.

Madness. What the fuck. Why? Life just leaves me dumbfounded everyday.

Can I take your cutting boards now?
"It's the middle of fucking supper?!?!?!?!"
"SHould I wait?"

What kind of a question is that? Of course you should wait. Of course. Common sense. HELP ME!!!

"I mena the only reason I asked you was because I like to get them done early."

I, don't, care. I really don't. Stop pestering me.

One day I forced the hoe to clean the vents. Now when I dishwashed I cleaned them all every day. Somehow this has changed now and they are done bi-daily and sometimes not even opened up. Not opening them and washing them accomplishes, well nothing. I may add that the handicapped girl opens them up and goes and gets de-greaser and scrubs them. The other chick reminds me everday that she is doing them on her own without me having to tell her. You see one day I did have to tell her. I told her by taking them all down at 10:30 at night after I had asked her to do them at 5:00 when it was slow. I put them all on the dish pit and smiled as I went for a smoke. She now reminds me of that everytime we work together. Listen scumbag I'm not as dumb as you and you ilk think, I know what's going on here. keep it up, and fear the day I make you actually mop the entire floor like your supposed to. Not get it damp and only do where you stand.

"I only do up to the second mat cause teressa does it in the afternoon"

what kind of answer is that? It blows my mind. Why do you have to do the whole floor again? Cause for 8 hours people have been walking on it and getting it dirty again. Why wash your kids clothes they are just going to wear them and get them dirty again. Un-be-fucking-leivable.

Also when I am cooking I will notice her standing by the deep fryers and lifting up food. why is she doing this? I don't know. I do however know that it is another small knife stabbing me killing another small part of my soul. One day I asked if the fries she pulled up were extra crispy, she replied "are they supposed to be?" I noted that if she didn't know how the order was to be cooked maybe she should not mess with it. I was then treated to another long pointless conversation about why she pulled up the fries.

Oh and today at the other place I was working with Professer Talks a lot. I was the usual one man army and the topped being that he went out and got high with an hour left in the shift. We then got busy and he was unable to do anything. He then proceeds to go out side while two orders are on without telling me. I put up the order for the customer, pulled out the burnt quesdilla shell and left. I swear if I hear about it at this girls party tomorrow I'm going to break.

anyway, good night.

Fuckers

2005-10-23T02:44:00.000-07:00

Midfield Dominance.

2005-10-21T20:35:00.000-07:00

Tonight the SMittys, McNallys, Broken Rack, and about a million other sponsers team, The Ligers were victorious as they tore apart the opposing team.

4-1

4 to freakin 1. In softball Dave Sachery and I were the wall of defence in soccer we are a lethal attack. 3 times at least I sent in Dave clear on goal. One time he had a fantastic shot blocked, the next time the goalie would not be so lucky. I ran down the wing like a bloody Gazelle and fired a low cross past my marker and straight into the feet of Dave. shot une was blocked the rebound was not as Dave through himself into the net and took the ball with him. A glorious goal that was well deserved.

Goal 3 and 4 was scored by a new comer and a girl. I forget her name but she had incredible heart and made that damn goal.

ALso noted I was clear on goal when I was hacked down by the last defender. It was a clear goal for me if I could have kept my feet.

I was also taken down as I ran back to strip the ball from the attacker when he threw a slide tackle from behind.

In the last 10 minutes I was again clear on goal but charged into the goalie and got myself carded. I now lead the team in cards.

Foul Ball Logan suffered as his foot was cleated hard core. Foul Ball main stay Christy "CB" B. was looking sharp aswell but tired due to smoking late in the game.

OH SHIT WHAT A GAME!!!!! AHHHHHH I love it. Thank god we have like a week off now though cause both knees and an ankle are fucked.

Now I think I may walk to Sparkys to mingle amongst the boozers and gamble.

My Nuts.

2005-10-16T02:36:00.000-07:00

I love them. I'm so glad to have them. It must suck to be a dog and have them cut off.

oh hey, I'm on a Coed soccer team. I hacked my first shot and was closed down the rest of the night but I did have a sweet dribble past this fat guy. He later fouled me in the penalty area and called me a fucker. I ran at him hard the rest of the night and got a few elbows in. I also sort of indirectly scored. I take no credit for the goal however as I was merely in the way of a feirce long range effort by some guy [hey I just met these people tonight]. He shot and it deflected off my arm [now called the arm of God] and went in. Really I take no credit for the goal.

Other notables on the team from the Foul Balls are Christy, Dave, Logan, Sims, and LeBlond. Sims clearly the team inspiration with some pretty good moves and a nice head for the game. He is shaping to be our go to man when the chips are down. He's got the ablity to change the direction of the game in an instant and his presence on the field tonight was huge.

Next week is game 4 game 3 for me.

A little story of my day today. I changed shifts at The Broken Rack and opened. We had a big steak party and I was getting prep done when I was pillaged for aobut 2 nd a half hours. I got the important stuff done but was glad to see help arrive at 3. So I got about 5 hours sleep worked 7 and played 2 hours of soccer. I am dead to the world but it was worth it. I won't be able to walk tomorrow and the looming threat of working with dumb and dumber [a married team at smittys] hangs like a massive .... something overr me but who cares. They'll have to bust their asses if we get busy cause I busted mine all day today and don't think I'll be able to walk.

FUck this is a dumb post. Bye.

Can't Play

2005-10-11T15:56:00.000-07:00

So I am involved in this indoor soccer team thing. The games are on days I work. Devistating. I am franticly trying to think of a solution. One is to quit the second job thus freeing up my days to play. The down side to that is I want the money so I can go to Germany in 06. A second solution is to try and change my schedule up a bit. Get a replacement in for the days I have games. There is a cook who can now work saturdays so I will be pushing to get the Saturday shift changed. Friday still remains a concern however. Idealy I would work monday, tuesday, wednesday at one place and Thursday Friday Sunday at the other. See if I work a 12-8 shift I can still possibly make the games. actually on Friday at Smuttys a 2-10 shift would probably be ideal. There are already two cooks who work that night and rarely it's busy enough for 3 so I could probably work 2-8 leaving enough time to get to the games and still be there during the busier part of the supper rush. But then the other place is screwed cause Fridays are their busy days too. Plus their busy spells come later and it's harder to get out early.

fucking life. God I want to play. Well if worst comes to worst I will just quit one job. Figure out how to make up the income some other way. or even drop down to 2 shifts a week. It'll hurt but I need to be playing. I do feel bad about possibly leaving people high and dry [this time anyway] but I think I've ben unselfish enough in my life that I can just say fuck it and do something for myself with out worrying about what the effect on others will be.

we'll see. I'll keep this updated.

Arrested For Trick or Treating

2005-10-07T02:48:00.000-07:00

Where does it say you can't be a nudist!!! Somepeople are strapped for cash and can't afford that super cool costume and have to make due with what they have. It's indecent exposure, fuck you it was cold. Maybe if I could alter the fucking universe and make October not cold I would, but I can't can I. SO you just have to deal with it, and princess will see enough of them in 10 years anyway so don't worry about it. All shapes and sizes, and if she's anything like you she's going to be inspecting the home teams equipment too. that's right hoe baby girl gonna on the pole. Better give her hugs now cause when she's coked out and stripping all the home made cider in the world ain't bringing her back. and don't blame me. My alternative costume choice was hardly what set her off that road. Blame yourself. Maybe Showgirls wasn't the bed time story she needed, ever tried Snow-fucking-white? That hoe did 7 dwarfs and rejected homosexuality by killing the only other female character that's much more christian. Fuck try Bambi her mom died and she made it, plus if the bitch is dumb she's already got her stage name.

This didn't actually happened more of a senario that could transpire if I chose to go Halloweening as a nudist.

Attack Attack Attack

2005-10-07T01:26:00.000-07:00

This is my general mentality. Everything feels like an all out assault on the world.

Not so much I'm right your wrong more of keep the bastards at bay long enough to regroup and develope a plan to ward them off and by some time. I've come to the conclusion I will never be comtempt in my life. I will never be happy to work 9-5 come home and drink a beer while watching TV. First off I don't drink, TV insults me with it's mediocraty, and I don't liek getting up early.

I barely sleep cause wehn I lay down at night I am so wired from the days barrage of weird that I can't just peacefully lay down my head and fall asleep. Something I read, saw, heard, or observed will be picking away at me. It all seems to feel like a movie now. It's pretty impossible to explain but things seem to happen in film shots. Like everythings been staged. You can even put music to it if your bored enough.

Like these two people who talk and flirt all the time at work. It's a train wreck waiting to happen. He's got kids and is on again off again involved with the mom. Shes a lot younger seems oblivious to this fact. I mean she isn't but I can't understand the thinking involved here. It's only a fling, surely they know that there is no long term happyness to come from this. Being that that much is obvious why are we still persueing it? It's self destruction of epic size. For both. There is no way this ends remotly happy for anyone. A desperate cry for help. No one gains a thing from this. Things like this is why he's in the situation he's in. I mean after the first kid you'd think 4 condoms would be worn each time but no. She doesn't insist on it either. You can see the conclusion here.

another person leaves her husband and goes off with the co-worker. Now both are miserable and a marriage is toast. Two people who were pleasent now constantly in the mind of attack as the parinoia of the situation drags them both down. A comment that was met with laughter before is now cause for sucspion. What did they mean by that? Why did they say that? They don't get it! Of course they don't cause it makes no sense.

I'm not anti-social I'm just aware.

But I shouldn't critisize. I've got a healthy dose of parinoia running around. I feel the best way to make it through is to just shut up and assimilate into the situation. Just listen and watch. I rely soley on the hope that by just standing outside and listening enough the answers to whatever will come. But that's a problem too. What if the answers come and you miss them? Who fucking knows. It's intense though.

I'm kind of curious too. Like for the feeling of knowing. One day when it hits you.

When you walk outside and see the people trying to fend off the world in their own way. Some people use attitude, some use booze, some drugs. Everyone seems to pushing it away. People use music, sex, books, TV to escape. But why? Why do I constantly feel at odds with everything, what pushed people to be in this constant state of defense and attack. Cause some use things to escape but others use it to give everyone a big fuck you. What a horrible fucking world we live in. Scrounging for anything to take our minds off of life. Then in a few short decades they're gone and a new batch are ready to attack.

I don't believe in God but if he or it does in fact exsist there's some serious explaining to do. And there better be an explanation or else this is the most twisted trick ever played.

Personally I think there is no answer. We're here for a very short time then we're gone. There are no accomplishments just some people know how to scam better than others. In the end none of it matters, yet people still feel the need to try and take power at every turn. Compain about your food, cause they clearly know more than the person who has cooked it and cooked the dish thousands of times. Why treat the staff at a short order resturant like they don't matter. What makes them any different than the folks at the 5 star resturant? Because our food doesn't cost 50 dollars gives you the right to be little the staff with your ignorant complaints? Just because you are being waited on and served why are you allowed to order these people around like dogs then leave without saying thank you or putting down some tip. It's almost as if they don't recognise the servers as people. More just things there to cater to their every demand. Just little nothings to be used up and tossed out without a second thought. To sit back and take this is madness, attack. It's designed to just break you down. To make you give up I think.

I've always told myself to never sell out or give up. What I have no idea I just know that you've got to fight it off. Over time it makes you stress out and go nuts but then you calm down and regroup and are ready for round 2.

Yes that was contradictory and rambling but I've lost a lot of blood tonight in the fight and it's late and I'm tired. Can't go to bed though!

on another note "The Night" is a cunt. Bastard took me off his links page. Sorry I don't blog daily but it's about quality. Sometimes the inspiration doesn't come for awhile. What you want me to blog about the sit I had in the comphy chair yesterday? Patience you bum. It's ok though cause "When Irish Eyes Are Smiling" still links me and he gets more readers. ZING BAM POW!!!! COMBO up in her-ah.

anyway good night. I have a grueling day of The Rack and Captin Talks a lot to endure tomorrow and Saturday. He has now resorted to telling me things his mom or his friends have said to him that in reality I actually said to him the week before thus making his conversations even more unendurable.

"Hey this is a pretty good song hey?"
"My brother numbnuts met these girls, oh man they made out in my house"
"My mom says if my band is on the cover of Rolling Stone it's selling out." [I said that you geek]
"Did we get paid today?" nah, just our tips "Oh, hey Rob. So we get paid today?" [what the fuck? I just told you you nutty mother fucker.]
"SO my little brother numbnuts met these girls and Jordash [how is that a real name?] yeah we drove around!"

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!

"These girls think I'm a gangster." [Are they retards?]
"I'm a gentlemen when I party." [what makes oyu think I give a damn? Like what part of my body language indicated I fucking care? And care enough for you to repeat it 5 more times in the same night.]

see what I mean, you gotta keep them away somehow. Don't let it in. Don't give in to the stupidity. Gotta fight it. Gotta keep going. Just a little speed bump. Nothing you can't smash through.

More fun, More Co-Workers

2005-10-07T01:00:00.000-07:00

ah yes. Listening to a little Richard Ashcroft right now. "A Song for the Lovers" is the song. I listened to this on the way into Vegas. Ah Vegas. memories.

Today is Thursday. I show up at SHittys at 3:20 or so. Fellow cooks Peter and Douche bag McGee are there. I metally prepared for the assult on humanity that was to commence in 45 minutes or so.

I don't know why but today had a feeling that was off. Something was happening tonight you just knew it. I was informed by Peter that one of the legs of the Sandwich table was bent in. The table was pretty shaky but we thought nothing of it.

I run for a break at 7 and am called back about 10 minutes later by Pete. He is getting FUCKED with orders. I help out and everything is normal again. I take the rest of my break. When I return I notice he is trying to fix the broken table leg. It can't be fixed so he leaves it and goes. Around this time the feelings of doom started to over take me. I couldn't handle it. Something was wrong but everything was right. I did some chores and went for a smoke. I come back in feeling a little better [mostly cause as I was smoking I was thinking how funny it would be if peas took pees. Like imagine a bunch of peas in a bar drinking all with a name starting with teh letter P then saying they had to pee. Hilarious. I thought about banging out a screne play when I got home but events were about to unfold that would derail that plan.]. I come back in and cook some orders and put the goodie buckets back in the broken table. They don't want to go in but I make them. I give the dishwasher ll my dirties and get an order for French Toast. Nothing good is french and this was to be the catalyst for the calamity that happened shortly after. Triple Berry and Strawberry was what they wanted for the toast. The Triple berry posed no problem as I am awesome. The Strawberry however was a bit more tricky. With no laddle to scoop and pour yummy strawberries on the toast and with the strawberries being to runny to pour I needed a laddle. I go to pull open the drawer and that's when the table leg broke. On top of the table were about 15 or so giant quesdilla plates. Being that the table was Titanicing on me the plates like so many passengers aboard that doomed ocean liner started sliding over the edge to certain doom. I heroicly tried to save them but they magically or not so magically given their size and the vibration of the table they broke and sliced my hand up. I took my hand away but I was already sliced up. The plates fell and smashed spectacularily on the ground. I bled for the rest of the night untill my new favorite super-supervisor Kristy "Get your Bitch on" Dixon said I should go get stiches. The Medi center was closed so I Ghetto-bandaided it up tried to finish the best I could. It sucked but not much you can do without getting blood on all the food.

SO that was my exciting night.

As I mentioned above Kristy has steadily become one of my new favorite people to close with. She's the sweetest girl around [maybe second to Claire but Claire is Claire] however you can tell the potential to lay the bitch down on the rest of the young punks is there. Kind of reminds me of a waitress of days gone by named Haily. She was fantastic. Just beautiful, with some attitude. She was clever in every area except decisions on relationships. But overall just great to work with. She one day uttered the imfamous line "Joey I dunno, I think today I'm gonna have to get my bitch on". From that moment on she was one of my favorite people of all time at Shittys. Sadly for me and great for her she found what appears to be love in the form of someone just as crazy as she is. I miss her at work but am happy she's getting it done. Kristy while her personality is different has that same Supervisor mentality I think. I mean theres only so much you can take before you gotta punk these little bastards out. I see the signs. I always love when someone is tough but right and then have all the rubes complain about the injustice of beig told to do their job.

"Here's a song for the lovers, to-night"

I think maybe I will post a third blog so I'll end this one now.

What Stories? LIFE STORIES!!!

2005-10-07T00:29:00.000-07:00

or something.

So I have something to blog about again. I don't blog much cause I feel I have nothing to say really and I try not to turn this into a total Emo cry fest with feelings and stuff. That leaves out a lot. Really the only other thing is to blog about football [soccer] but since no one else in canada really gives a fuck it's rather useless.

but I have cracked open a coke, I got smokes from 7/11 and I have the Micheal Jackson song "Who is it?" on a loop so I am ready for some blogging.

Yesterday was Wednesday.....Good night everyone!!

Nah just kidding. So I am part of this soccer league along with some co-workers and other commoners. Very blue collar grass roots. I like it cause it lets me remain close to "The Street" if you know what I mean. Don't want to get ot high falutin! Anysnuff we held a fund raiser the other night at The Crooked Cue. The Crooked Cue is a hilariously names pool hall famous for it's pick pockets and hookers. I sold some tickets to this event then was levelled with the bomb shell that I would actually have to go myself. That sucked. So I show and sit and am bored. I played a little pool with my dad, he beat me[at pool]. I then enjoyed the wonderful steak that I apparently had to pay for. 23 and still getting used to this world. I have to pay for things to recieve them, crazy!

After a delicous dinner I played some more pool this time with fellow bloggers "The Night" and "Ryan". Ryan was my partner and we played 'the night' and his papa. Ryan and I were winning when shannanigans were pulled and "the Nights" and "Ryans" papa attempted to take the cheap victory by attempting to dislodge my eye with a pool cue. I shook off the assualt but could not come back for the team and we lost the crucial game. Around this time the party started clearing out. My family left and some of the other guests left, I think, honestly who cares. For the sake of the story they left. I went out for a smoke with Kristy "KD" Dixon, and on the way in we noticed pamphlets for a panty party being held the following night. First 100 ladies get free gitch!! We both agreed we were well stalked with underoos and decided against taking the brochure.

Not much happening up stairs. Some notables at the party that my bloggers will be familiar with from the softball posts. Christy "Roller Girl"Bromstad Dave "wall of D" sachery and Ryan simms. OH Tracy also made an appearance. With her was man No. 384. Atta' girl, never give up. One day someone somewhere will like you!

Roller Girl and tracy were leaving which I felt was my "crooked cue" to leave also. Plus I had some serious gambling to do. I arrived at the Casino with a mission, to bankrupt them and become emporer. First up was a little Carribean Stud. I was pillaged. Get a pair and find out the dealer doesn't qualify. Get a pair and the dealrer qualifies and beats me. I did fight though. I hung in for about 2 hours. From here I went to the 3 card poker table. A bizare scene here as I was unable to bankrupt either myself or the casino. I would be down to the last 5 dollars and hit a straight. I hit a straight or a flush on my last 5 bucks about 4 times. after an hour and a half or so of being in limbo I went all out and laid all $25 I had left on one hand. It was the trashy of trash hands. I went out for a smoke and to collect my thoughts.

Something about the smoke or the Iced tea made the need for a constatutional nessesary. I took my poop with great satisfaction. See it was one of those that wants out as much as you want it out. No hassle no fuss. Just a warning of gas and then the blitzkrieg. Feeling pretty good about life in generel I took $60 bucks I had in my pocket and went back to the tables. A little rape at the Let it Ride table and I was back to $10 bucks. Figuring the best luck I have had all night was at the 3 Card Poker table I went back there. I put a $10 dollar bet down and got a straight. Collecting 75 bucks I decided I might as well cut my losses and leave.

The walk home was cold. Very cold. I decided to jog a bit and suprisingly ran quite a distance. My legs burned and my lungs prayed for air but I kept running. I Forset Gumped it to the site were the imfamous Blue Tit used to be. When I stopped running i nearly collapsed, but I got that high you get that is supposedly like heroin. My entire body was trying to recoup. I waked a few blocks and decided I would run again. I made it a block this time before I stopped and had a smoke.

I arrived home and that was my day.

No Title. You'll Just Have to Read

2005-09-18T06:07:00.000-07:00

So what's with "The Night" all of a sudden? Get a fancy schmancy new job and can't blog anymore? This from the guy whos all "I blog lots". Constantly pestering me to blog and not blogging himself. Blogger.

Anyway a certain cook at the Rack just annoyed the hell out of me tonight. It's busy and he's constantly letting out these sighs and such. Kind of like "ah, oh, ugh. It's busy hey!" Really it was nothing. All finger food. Easy stuff. So I put down 90% of the orders and he can't get them up. He can't make a nacho and Pot skins at the same time. I kept thinking to myself it's not that busy just throw everything on together. I mean it's not hard to throw on Mushrooms and fries at the same time. Doing one bill at a time when everything is deep fryed is madness. At one point I put on the 2 orders, a nacho, poutine, and basket of fries. I MOPPED THE FLOOR and the bills were still there. I was like "WTF?!"

"When I party I'm a gentlemen"

WHO FUCKING CARES put on the ribs. Oh drove me insane.

anyway since your to good to talk to us anymore I thought I'd update.

Claire says hi. I assume anyway. Haven't worked with her or seen her since thursday but I'm sure if I had and asked her to say hi so I could pass it along on a blog she would have. Nice girl that Claire, kick ass server too.

Adios.

Video link

2005-09-12T15:58:00.000-07:00

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=104x4672423

god I hope this works

anyway this blog is cool

http://toolz.blogs.com/

how many more years do we have to indure these dorks?

Barbra Bush sucks

2005-09-12T15:45:00.000-07:00

"Most of these people here come from very impoverished areas anyway so it's not working out so bad for them."
-Comments on the thousands of people living in the Astrodome.

what a classy lady.

Larry King is a Monster

2005-09-10T02:02:00.000-07:00

FACT!

Co-Workers

2005-09-02T00:13:00.000-07:00

I used to have patience, that era is over. I now become aggrivated at the drop of a hat. Anything drives me over the edge.

example.

-walking into work knowing you have 5 full hours of torment ahead of you. It's a cruel form of punishment that boarders on torture. Someone relentlessly asking you the same question about the same things, no matter what your answer for 300 consecutive minutes is more than I can handle. Even if the questions have to do with something I like I can not take it let alone things I have no interest in. Add to that someone who doesn't know what they are talking about and as "The Night" once quipped you sit there and think to yourself would a self induced concussion be more favorable to sitting here and listening to this. First don't talk to me about what bands are good and which ones aren't. I've played guitar for 7 years, listen to music everyday for 15 and studied Jazz in University for a semester. I know about bands. I know when they suck. Don't try and tell me that Nickleback are comparable to Alice in Chains or Nirvana. They aren't. They aren't even worthy of being mentioned in the same sentence. It's a crime against taste.

If I could go back to high school what would I do differently? Nothing you slag. I did my time, I participated as little as possible I skipped when I could and I passed. High school is over. You enjoyed your time there good. You want a cookie for that? like what am I supposed to do here? This conversation is going nowhere. WHat kind of person was I in high school? I don't remember. Did I ever pay people to do my homework or did the footballers ever beat me up or get me to do their homework? What is this a bad sitcom? No of course not. Why would I do someone elses work when I have no interest in doing my own? What have I said that gave you the impression that I wanted more unwanted work? Mor work that I wouldn't have done anyway? Did I like Pep Rallies? Did anyone? Who goes to fucking pep rallies? I lived 4 blocks from high school a pep rally ment that I got a longer lunch break or an hour spare.

Do I know what your brother and his friends did? Yeah I do. Why? Cause you told me 13 bloody times already and it's only 8:30, we started at 7:00. I want to die. You hung out with 6 girls last night? You partied with the boys? WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I GIVE A FUCK DICKFACE!!! Honestly who cares? I don't even believe the stories as non of these people has ever been seen.

Your girlfriend got mad at you cause after your peice of shit band played some dive all these hot girls wanted your autograph but now she's not your girlfriend dispite you telling me she was. WHY IS EVERYTHIGN A LIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

and one more thing it was Def Leopard being better than Led Zepillin. Get it right. It wasn't White Snake being better than Poison. If you are going to talk about some comment someone made as a joke get it right assmunch.

FUCK.

Lets go on to other job. When you see 3 cooks all working hard, one on his 4th day and the other helping him out while the other has been away for 5 months maybe keep your little comments to yourself. Things like "SO are my wings ready yet?" said in a snotty tone is going to be met with a barrage of fucks used in various form. And it was. When there are 8 bills on the counter and another 5 on the wheel no questions from the cooks. Your food will be in the window when it's cooked. So until then shut up and let us concentrate. Also asking for things you yourself can go get is a major no no and going to be met with hostility. This is made worse when the people making the comment are reknown for sitting and doing as little as possible.

As an add on to that. when a cook looks on edge and filled with frustration please leave him alone. Nothing cuts through me like when people continue to talk to me and bother me when all I want is for everyone to just shut up and leave me alone. The radio was playing Faith Hill and is now playing classical music. Why are you asking me if I changed the music? Isn't it plain as fucking day? Asking me why I am mad at this person after I have clearly explained it within ear shot of you is also cause for violence.

"This guy didn't make fish and we were forced to do it during the supper rush cause we ran out."

"What's wrong he didn't make fish this morning?"

DIE~!

No we just felt is was apprapoe to tie up a deep fryer during the buisiest part of the night.

I hate all of you.

"He should have done fish. He knows better."

That's pretty much the complaint, yeah. Thanks for pointing that out to me. I knew there was something I was mad at but couldn't quite put my finger on it but you just gave me clairity.

did you know that a blue whale has a 10 foot penis? TV just told me it did. I hate TV.

"does the poutine get both kinds of cheese?"
"Did the last one you made get both kinds?"
"Oh yeah, what am I thinking."
...puts both kinds of cheese on Poutine..
"....."

When the 12-9 cook leaves and I am still there, that means I am the closing cook. You don't have to ask me if I am.

I'm not in a bad mood if I don't pay attention to you. Especially if you are talking to me all night. I'm not grumpy cause I'm cooking 4 bills and you are talking with your inane chatter. Going and tellign everyone I am grumpy and having every staff memeber come back and ask me whats wrong makes me grumpy.

I smoke for a reason. It helps.

It amazes me that an 18 year old girl is more responsable and dependable than 32 year olds. That she can come to work and no matter what be professional towards the customer and co-workers and be a better worker after having supervised for a month and a half than people who have done it for years is astonashing. I am thankful everytime I work with her just because she makes the day so much better. She's my work hero. If everyone had her attitude towards the job it would be so much better.

I'm not doing this cause so and so never does it so I am not doing it to teach them a lesson. What a bunch of shit. SO you are doing to them what they did to you. They did it to you cause you did it to them. It's an endless circle of stupidity. Some people are able to ignore or forget about it after work. It stays with me. It's no real secret why I tend to just randomly fuck off with out warning. it's that or walk infront of a bus. After the 7th month of "I'm not making mashed potatos cause I made them two days ago and it's so and sos turn to make them cause he never does them and I always do" I have to leave. Leave or turn to cutting myself to see if I still feel...anything. JUST FUCKING MAKE THE GODDAMN POTATOS!!!! Put them in the swirly thing. 2 minutes. done. But no. There hads to be a big drama and hidden meaning behind it all. Hey jack off maybe the person just forgot. You are a cook right? Well cook the fucking things. You see that bottle of BBQ sauce that is empty. Fill it. Don't wait till someone else is forced to. If you go into the cooler and the BBQ jug is empty, walk to the store room and get another one. I hate my life. I'm tortured I swear. I want to do a good job but just get beat down by circumstance and don't have the energy to. I'm left feeling incomplete.

I know all of this is petty but for somereason it sticks with me. I think for some reason I make it all worse than it is. I never seem to be happy with where I am. No matter how good something is I want to be somewhere else. I've never been content, with anything but don't have the energy to perfect it. Tortured I tell you.

what the fuck

Dear The Night and Irish Eyes

2005-08-23T17:17:00.000-07:00

Your blogs collective are screwy. The nights makes me scroll down a mile to find his posts then when I click it sends me to the middle of the screen again. I can't read peoples comments on my hilarious posts.

The Irishs just cuts out a portion of the blog. Like a couple topics then suddenly in the middle of one it will end.

How am I supposed to keep abreast of family doings like this? Help!

I am the Eggman...I AM THE WALRUS!!!

2005-08-19T16:40:00.000-07:00

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

I am a movie.

2005-08-16T09:49:00.000-07:00

I am Apcolypse Now

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Is the Blog Craze Over Yet?

2005-08-15T11:39:00.000-07:00

Can I stop doing this now? I like message boards or Messenger better. This is gay. Every blog is the same and no one has anything to say. Now I'm sure there's that rare gem that you find once a millenia where some dinkface is talking about goldfish but those posts are so hard to find I wonder if it's really worth the effort.

I remember back in the day when I had goldfish. They were orange.

The other day I was in Safeway cause I was bored and hungry. I stood in the spices section for like 10 minutes looking at Dill weed. That took me back.

7/11 clerks are, for the most part, inhuman. They lack the tools of modern humans and are unable to connect with life other than their own. THey should be sent to China. When asking for a bag to carry your cokes and chocolate bars is met with a sigh and a roll of the eyes I think violence is justified. There's a reason these places get popped.

I don't like banks handling my money. I never see a sink or disinfectent around. I was always told how dirty money is but when I asked if they laundered theres they looked at me funny.

George Bush should have been a porno star. He has the name. At the very least he should grow a mustache.

For some bizare reason I like my co-workers. The Rack more so but Smittys is ok too.

I can't decide if I should save money for a year and go to Germany, Amsterdam or Las Vegas again. I want to be in Germany for the world cup and to see one of the 5 Jews who still live there on their own free will. Amsterdam cause anything is possible there and Vegas cause I've never felt more at home anywhere. It's weird in a way to feel completely comfortable and at ease in the one city that suffers from ADHD and obsessive compulsive behavior more than any other.

I think I was born American. I don't feel Canadian at all. I care so little for Canadian content and culture it has to be a mistake I am from here.

I've decided I need a black girl in my life. I think that would bring a little balance and stability.

I'm always nervous and feeling uneasy. I think blowing I'm blowing it somehow. Ever since I was like 12 I thought so.

I can get by doing next to nothing. I've discovered how to life with minimal effort yet it seems so hard.

Music is for the first time not the most important thing in my life. I hate the fact that so many artists have let me down in recent years. All your childhood idols just selling out and becoming shadows of what they ment to you. It feels like it was all a lie. It makes me not even want to do it anymore.

They say Steven Gerrard is the future of England. I have to agree. With Wayne Rooney and Shawn Wright Phillips they should lead England to glory in years to come.

Brazil are scary talented. They seem to have an endless supply of players who are better at 19-20 than the rest of the world at 28.

I still hate Bono and U2. Somethings never change. Beautiful Day my ass.

Anyway that was a small sampling of how no one on the internet has anything to say. It's all pointless rambling. What it does is creat an entire culture of people who think their opinions and thoughts matter. It makes them think they are smarter than they really are. Part of the whole "everyone is special" mentality that is creeping in. That only leads to disappointment. What are people going to think when they don't become as special as they have been led to believe? Chaos. Riots in the street.

Stupid Internet

2005-08-10T13:42:00.000-07:00

BE MORE FUNNY!

INXS: The Reality Show

2005-08-04T05:02:00.000-07:00

So this is just about the dumbest thing ever conceived. First no one, anywhere, in the entire world, wants to be in that dumb band. No one wanted to hear about that band when Micheal Hutches was alive, why would anyone want to hear them with a hired lead singer? What are they going to release a new album? That'll go over well with the throngs of morons who still like that shit. All 5 people who still know who they are don't want to hear those songs with a new singer and I've a sneaking suspicion that at least 2 of them wouldn't care even if the dude never hung himself while trying to masturbate.

Oh yeah in case you didn't know, and I know most of you didn't, the original lead singer hung him self while trying to masturbate in a hotel room. I'm not even going to attempt to spell what that fetish is called but it's weird. Apparently you get a rush like ten times bigger if you are near death and orgasm. Or release yourself from near death before completion.

Anyway the show has such luminairies of the rock world as Dave Navarro and ... Brooke Burke. Again for those that don't know Brooke Burke is this hot chick that used to host Wild On! on E! before she quit cause she thought she actually had a career outside of looking good in a bikini. Naturally that failed and she married some plastic surgen in Hollywood. Well now that her big break is here she divorced him. Only problem being she is so retarded that she can't even read a teleprompter. Like she is Special..very special.

back to the crappy show. All these goons come out and naturally have to sing INXS songs while the band judges them. Most are horrible which makes them already to good to actually be in the band. After their songs they do like an AMerican Idol type thing and the band tells them why they aren't INXS material.

ANyway the point of the show is one lucky singer gets to join the group and can look forward to playing fair grounds and dive bars for 2 years before the rest of the band dies of high colesterol.

:(

2005-07-30T02:20:00.000-07:00

Soccer come back already. God this sucks.

August 29th. Almost here. oh man...I can do it I can do it

Oh and Germany World Cup 2006. Everything in my power to get there.

Foul Ball Win.

2005-07-26T05:58:00.000-07:00

A closer than it should have been game was one as the Foul Balls toppled the Wool Sox in a 19-18 defensive snorer.

I personally went 4-5 with my only out being a line drive that I hit to the only place in the outfeild occupied by a fielder. I then went on to smoke a couple doubles and a single. In the feild myself and Dave are now to be known as "The Wall" as we are a solid wall of defense that no grounder can pass. Truely an awesome force.

Our bats were hot our outfield was not. Many horrible plays in the feild as the players seemed to specialize in dropping balls and looking at grounders rather than picking them up. Really this is were the game was close. We had horrible positioning and bad feilding in the out field. It cost us big and nearly cost us the game if it wasn't for two absolute bullets fired in from Pat to Dave to Steve at home.

A little Player summary.

The Night is back on track making it to base a solid 4 out of 5 times, with his only slip up being an embarassing strike out. I would make fun but he's been hurt enough by Burris and the Riders this week so I'll let it slide.

Christy "No Longer Wears Short Shorts" Bromstad cracked a dinger over the doopy short stops head and into the feild. If Christy could somehow just get infront of the grounders or even the floaters to shallow left feild she would rank as one of our best players. As it is she is still a great asset to the team and really had her game face on today.

Kristen who dates the night also had another good game and her batting continues to come along. She got on base I believe twice with one hit JUST resting on the fair/foul line. It was fair and she made it.

Mr. Allstar continues to suck and blame everyone and everything but himself and his shitty technique. He also got humiliated AGAIN as he ran in for a girl batter and she proceeded to smash the ball over his head. I always smile when that happens. Play with respect!

Making only her second appearance this season was last seasons new comer Tracy. Tracy is a great sport and the "butt" of many jokes. It's always a party with Tracy in town!

That's pretty much it. Nothing to amazing nothing to bad. Just a passible game that produced a win.

Next up is Thursdays make up game against a mystery team. Play offs are a distant dream at this point but with some major luck we can make it in.

If Liverpool can over come Chelsea, Bayern Munich, and a 3 goal deficit in 45 minutes against one of the best teams in the world AC Milan with a bunch of average players then the Foul Balls can upset the world of University League fake baseball and emerge triumphant.

If any team in the league deserves to be crownd champions it's the Foul Balls. Why? Cause the Foul Balls represent the soul of Canada.

Making My Own Breakfast

2005-07-21T19:31:00.000-07:00

Cook for yourself, be more indipendent, blah blah blah.

Once again the advice of others nearly ends my life. yesterday I was hungry, now usually when this happens I just go to bed and sleep off the hunger or have like 3 cokes and lots of cigarettes in an attempt to trick myself into thinking I am full. However the other day I made myself I denver sandwitch. I was very delicious and I actually went back to make another. When it was all said and done I had eaten 5 eggs, some cheese and some green peppers that I though would be an apt substitute for green onions [they're both green]. SO far so good. Then it happened. Something disagreed with me and it was on. I nearly shat out my soul. I honestly thought that it was the end. I was desperatly trying to scribble out a will on the back of the Leaderpost crossword. Realizing it was listening to the advice of friends and family that put me in this position of certain doom I quickly erased all that I bequethed and left a few foul words and the promise of "Ghoulish misbehavence" from the after life. That's right suckers, you get nothing...NOTHING!!!! Not my X-Box, not my comfortable bed, not my cds and not my love from heaven. You get nothing except me stuffed and looking cross, possibly bronzed and placed as a statue at the enterance to the city of Regina. A warning for all who dare enter that if you make friends with the ones who doomed me that you will be the victem of dastardly reckonings aswell. It's a day and a half later and I'm still recovering. I'm scared to leave my house cause I might get sick on the way somewhere again. I've become a prisoner. You'll pay. Don't think you won't pay. This is going on mental record.

on another topic Harry Potter still has not reached true wizard status as he is yet to cast a spell to make me give a damn.

It's A Blogging Avalanche

2005-07-17T03:03:00.000-07:00

I bought some CD's today and then promptly forgot them under a car seat. Anyway what I bought was Sade, Garbage, and Verve Remixed Volume 2.

I got Sade's first CD. I personally think that she is an amazing singer. Great music to just sit and listen to.

I forget the name of the Garbage album but it's got that great song Adrogeny on it. Plus the singer, Shirly Manson has an incredibly sexy voice. I love her. Again nothing to in your face just a nice bunch of songs to sit and listen to.

The Verve Remix Vol. 2 is a bunch of Jazz songs remixed to Techno and House beats. It's fantastic. I dare say it's even better than my Jazz meets hip hop album Jazzmatazz. I am so far 6 songs into it and not one has been bad yet. I highly recommend going to A&B sound and picking up a copy. Of course you could always be on the side of the communists and go to HMV too. But just know that if you support HMV you are supporting Satan.

Honestly though pick this one up. No one ever listens to my suggestions dispite them being bomb. But I beg and plead with you to go and buy this CD. It's nothing you would normally listen to but you will get hooked on it. No one goes to the store thinking "what I need in my CD collection is a Jazz/Techno fused cd". It just doesn't happen folks. But it is worth it. Besides it's not like it's normal techno, it's all the original music looped into a techno beat. So you are essentially getting two songs for every one. Plus it's a double CD so you are really getting like 80 songs for the price of 40.

Really GO OUT AND BUY IT. I know you have the money kicking around. You don't even need that medication you are on. You for sure don't need that KFC you are eating and FACT!!! you don't really need gas in your car [ITS SUMMER!!]. Please go and find this thing.

Verve Remixs2

What am I?

2005-07-16T23:53:00.000-07:00

In a Past Life...

You Were: An Arrogant Undertaker.

Where You Lived: Saudi Arabia.

How You Died: Dysentery.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

Your Power Color Is Lime Green

At Your Highest:

You are adventurous, witty, and a visionary.

At Your Lowest:

You feel misunderstood, like you don't fit in.

In Love:

You have a tough exterior, but can be very dedicated.

How You're Attractive:

Your self-awareness and confidence lights up a room.

Your Eternal Question:

"What else do I need in my life?"

What's Your Power Color?

Your Stripper Name is: Trixie

Get your own Stripper Name

Your Daddy Is Mike Tyson

What You Call Him: Papi
Why You Love Him: He's your sugar daddy

Who's Your Daddy?

Your Birthdate: September 2

Your birth on the 2nd day of the month adds a degree of emotion, sensitivity, and intuition to your life.

The 2 is a very social number allowing you to make friends easily and quickly.

Yet you are apt to have a rather nervous air in the company of a large group.

You have a warmhearted nature and emotional understanding that constantly seeks affection.

You are more prone than most to become depressed and moody, as emotions can turn inward and cause anxiety and mental turmoil.

It can be hard for you to bounce back to reality when depression sets in.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Your Virgo Drinking Style

Hey brainiac, you are compelled to impose order onto your bender.
Your famously fussy quest for purity could lead to drinking less than other signs, sure...
But it could also lead to drinking booze neatly (like sucking down organic wine or having extreme brand loyalty).
You rarely get fully shellacked -- but, oh, when you do!

Virgo's controlled by the intellect, but there's an unbridled beast lurking within, and they let it loose when walloped. It's dead sexy (and surprisingly unsloppy). As one Virgo friend used to declare, "I'm going to drink myself into a low level of intelligence tonight." A toast to the subgenius IQ!

Your Signature Cocktails

Many Virgos prefer clear, simple, untreacly drinks like vodka tonic or a real margarita, though you can be found drinking anything from unflinchingly downing Cuervo straight to smirkingly ordering a dirty virgin. You also tend to like bitter, low-alk guzzles like Campari and soda. However, you rarely change your signature drink once you've found it.

Your Celebrity Drinking Buddies

Cameron Diaz, Hugh Grant, Keanu Reeves, Nicole Richie, Bill Murray, Jada Pinkett Smith, Adam Sandler, and Ricki Lake.

What's Your Alcohoroscope?

I get to drink with Cameron Diaz and Nicole Richie. Suckers.

what batman character are you?

2005-07-16T23:07:00.000-07:00

My Day At the Beach. A Short Story pt. 1 - By Joey Eisenzimmer

2005-07-16T20:19:00.000-07:00

I went to the beach. Oh yes. I went to the beach.

After years of wanting and after several "close calls" I actually went to a beach and swam in the pristine waters of the mighty "Long Lake" or "Regina Beach" or "Saskatchewans Toilet", one of those. Anyway here is a little bit about my day at the beach and my previous close encounters.

back story:

I watched Jaws when I was young. It made me scared. Forever and a day I have been scared of water but loved swimming. I tend to have irrational fears of water that are really quite crippling. I fear that I will be eaten by a shark and will never enter the ocean. Also I fear that a giant Squid will wrap it's tenticle around me and drag me to a very nasty demise. Think of it. Swimming all happy and such, then feeling this thing wrap around your ankle and slowly drag you to a razor sharp beak to slowly eat you alive. Terrifying. Even swimming pools freak me out a little. I'll never swim in one at night. So all my life I have loved swimming but hated the water. I'll swim a little but it has to be around people in a crowded area and if I get to far away I have to swim to shore as fast as possible to escape the terrors of the deep.

So there's that. Now I love the beach. I like the weather, I like the sand, I like the horribly dirty shops, and I love the people. I used ot go out to Regina beach with my friend brad all the time and hang at his cabin with his family. Lotta good memories there. Then he sold his cabin amid much family contraversy and we sort of fell out of touch [I stopped calling and taking calls. I pretty much shut myself off from all contact with everyone for about 3 years.] and I haven't been to the beach since.

In the summer of 2004 I went to Europe. Of course once the Football [Soccer for you ignorant baby killers of North America. Seriously it's football. You play it with your fucking feet ok!] ended I had no real reason to be over there. I had no intention of "finding myself" or any lame shit like that, I was simply there to just 'hang out'. I wandered the streets of Braga, Villareal, Paris, and the like for weeks before deciding what I really needed to see was a beach. More importantly a nude beach. Figuring Barcelona is on the coast of Spain I would head there and bask in it's wonders. Barcelona can eat a dick. I travelled for 26 hours in a bus after spending 10 days or so in that shit hole city of Paris. Paris just sucks, it's dirty, it has large quantaties of drug dealers, peopel are jack offs, and it's expensive. I was rather upset but my spirits were high as I set off for the warm shores of Catalonia. I even thoguht I might have a Hemmingway moment. I arrive in Barcelona at 3am. Barcelona is a rather large city. With large cities comes large amounts of unsavory people. This is not good when you are a slighty feminin designed man. Look I can admit it. I am skinny have long hair and have the word mark stamped on my head.

NEW PARAGRAPH TIME!!!!

God bored of writing in that one. SO I get off my bus in Barca and walk to a hotel. No rooms. walk to a second, no rooms. third and forth also have no rooms. I am not about to start randomly walking around further into or away from the city to find a place to stay. I sit in this park for about an hour and watch people get out of the disco and stumble around. I try to figure out what to do. I have no idea which way the beach is so I head back to teh train/bus station. I figure not every hotel can be booked. I think it's the way I look. I look like I have no money and am not worth letting stay at their hotel cause they can just get someone else who will spend a little more. Annoyed I buy a ticket for Valencia.

Valencia is another Hemmingway haunt, and they have a soccer team and it's about the size of the 'Gina. I accidentally get on the right train and it's OFF OFF OFF to Valencia on the A-Train.

On the train I wander about and fall into people as it sways. I eventually find the smoking car and hang out there for an hour or so. Sitting drinking cokes and havin' smokes with the folks was a great time. Whenever the train would go through a tunnel people would scream and joke like their world had turned to black and we were going to die. Good times. Looking out the window I see what I came for, the beach. I can only be about 7 miles or so away and a one point we travelled right on the shore. My attempts to jump through the door we thworted by re-enforced doors [hey shut up. I hadn't slept much in like a month, I didn't speak the languages, I was beyond sun burnt, I was out of my mind.] Eventually I arrive in the pearly white gates of the Valencia train station. I get off the train and see swat cops and dogs run on. I later saw on the news a bomb threat was though on the train.

Quick note about Valencias train station. The bathrooms have toilet paper on the out side of the stall. YOu have to tear off what you think you may need. This is more stress than you need when pooping. COnsidering I had been holding for a day and a half by this point I took a lot.

I walked in the direction I saw the beach. I walked for a good 45 minutes before asking for directions. Naturally I couldn't understand the guy so I just followed a bunch of Asians. Asians always know the score. I got to the beach and walked with my 15lbs back pack down the walkway figuring "there has to be a hotel or hostel on the beach". 3 miles of coast line later and nothing. By this point I was burnt out and tired. I looked at all the beautiful people on the sand and tried to find the bus back to the city center. Yes after all that effort and after finally reaching my goal I gave up and never went in the water.

I am a coffee.

2005-07-14T08:55:00.000-07:00

my life has lead to this moment

Rape

2005-07-13T13:47:00.000-07:00

The Foul Balls have been raped. Last night against the Great Western Beer Devils the Foul Balls were potentially cost the game and a major win by an injury to the "K Man". Seems this fat fucker caught a line drive with his foot. It would have hurt no doubt about it but you shake it off and play. But that is not what happened. as the 5th inning closed we noticed "The K Man" pulling up the bases and walking away. Why? Cause he was hot, and his foot hurt, and we were over time, and the other teams {who weren't there} wanted to play, and his bitch ass team were on the verge of seeign their 19-5 lead fall as the mighty Balls raced to within 6 runs or a tie and 7 runs in reach of a win. Fearing for his crappy teams rep. the K-man decided that enough was enough and he was going to pull the plug on this one.

Now granted, it was hot, the K-Man did seriously eat it, and we were within striking distance with youth on our side. We would have almost surely caught them. This is a game that, on paper, the Foul Balls had no right to even be competative with the opposing team but, we made a serious game of it. Had we continued and played it would have been a massive 3 points towards the play offs. 3 points we desperatly need being that this is the mid season. Alas it was not to be.

A formal complaint has been lodged with very good points from team manager The Night. He opines that we payed good money to, you know, play. He also notes [after Angel Eyes AKA Me] pointed out that the K-Man never took a pole or even asked us if we wished to continue or not. He simply cried like the little bitch he is and went home. Had he asked us nicely and said "we have a hurt player, the heat is gettign to us, we are terrified of your Balls" to The Night like a professional the two teams might have met some common ground and possibly even concied the game to them out of sportsmanship and fair play. None of this happened. We called up the batter, refs took position and he took the bases and cried.

At the very least a tie must result from this and in fairness what the K-man did was concied defeat. His players simply could not take the pressure. Their stamina was gone and they were beaten. He forfited the game. We should be the victors. I'm not holding my breath for the league to do anything about this however and it may well be a major turning point in the season as every game now is a must win.

On a positive note the Foul Balls played with heart and spirit that has been sorely lacking as of late. Everyone found their rythm tonight. Yours truely got on base 3 times and made one horrible base running error. The Night got on base once I believe but was hittign the ball well. The Nights better half is also starting to improve greatly as she cracked a decent hit, unfortunaly to the short stop but had it had even an ounce more lift it would have been a base it for sure. Team bat provider Damien found his swing again and got on base everytime and Captin Dinger Wendle sent two great shots to deep left. Injury proned Chris Kohonic ??? also made a return after being shelfed with a serious death sport injury. Lisa and Christy B had quiet games but that is chalked up to the heat. I have no doubt they will return to form next game [unlike certain kickers].

Some minor squabbles from the bench as Christy "Roller Girl" Bromsted was the victem of some petty sexism. She was stuck out in Center field with two people around her. She was called off the ball many times and wondered what the point of even being out there was. She later drowned her sorrows with booze and gambling. She won 180 dollars.

Also positive was the return of Steven Sachery alive and well after last games fears when he no showed and people [mainly The Night] had thought his brother Dave had gone all Darth Vader on him for upstaging him. I personally would never think in such negative terms but such is the mind of our leader. Steven returned with some outstanding feild work that is a major part of our success.

On injury news Dave suffered a strain/pull in his forarm after LAUNCHING a couple balls from deep feild all the way in. We hope this can be over come by next game. I for one have no fear. I think girlfriend/bartender/waitress/sometimes cheerleader Kristy will make the boo boo go away.

So that's it. Another game in the books albeit with major contraversy. Next week is two games. The road to glory starts here. No remorse, ro retreat, no surrender, Vitory or Death. Foul Ball immortality in 05.

Foul Balls Pre Game Thoughts.

2005-07-12T02:26:00.000-07:00

Well another important game in the campaign for the play off birth tonight. The balls will be playing the Great Western Beer Devils. Things don't look good at the 7-2 [??] Beer Devils will probably tear us apart. The Night has theifed my glove and bat and is out of town so unless he hauls ass back to Regina in time I may be screwed.

In other news I had a run in with former team manager and majority stock holder Ryan the other day. Seems we have the same grandma. The subject of the balls never came up but it was good seeing him again. I tried to find a moment where I could work in leaving this loser team and he and I forming a good one but the moment was never right. The Night was always to close.

Speaking of "The Night". Seems our 'manager' may have hit the bottle the other night. NOW, I'm not one to stir up trouble but when you got a captin hittin the sauce cause of an underpreforming team maybe the problem isn't the team.

Whatever the case looks like it will once again be up to me with my angelic beauty and Jeter esque ablity to carry this team onward once more.

Stay tuned for post game thoughts.

In Actual Real Madrid News

2005-07-10T16:10:00.000-07:00

They look to sign the hottest new prospect in the world 21 year old brazillian Robinho. This may spell trouble for Englands Micheal Owen however as he struggled to secure a first team spot last season and became known as the "Super Sub" coming off the bench to score 11 goals. It's thought that Owen may be surplus this season and off loaded to Manchester United in exchange for their want away defender Rio Ferdinan.

Personally I think this would be a bit of double edge sword. Manchester really don't have depth in defence but have already on the books 5 strikers. Do they really need a sixth? However Madrid are in the same boat. They have a line up of legends but legends who have seen their best years. Their defence is terrible regardless of their surprising record last year. What it boils down to in my opinion is team work. Madrid are more concerned with being the prettiest girl at the dance rather than being a complete unit. They tend to splash around cash and grab big names simply cause they can. When you are the most succesful club in history players find it hard to turn you down, especially when the added bonus of 30 million is usually thrown at you.

Rio is a great defender and would definently boost the team but their real problem lies in the fact that they have all the names in the game. Fans and players alike tend to get egos concerning these folks and when they are benched there is a backlash, regardless of their preformance on the feild. I remember last year as Madrid were mowing through coaches one had the gual to sit Ronaldo the games biggest star throughout the 90's. When asked why he did it he said "I'm the coach and if I say sit you sit." 2 weeks later he was sitting, at home after being sacked.

Madrid have a major crisis going on and they need to fix it soon. Last year Barcelona won the championship with ease dispite not having the huge roster of their hated rivals. Barca won because they have a couple great players and a handful of good ones who play as a unit. They all work for the common goal rather than playing to be the star or the hero.

There seems to be a turn around happening at the Bernabeau but you get the sense that it's hanging on a razor wire. One slip up and this coach is gone and it's back to square one again.

Madrids first real Galatico Luis Figo looks set to be the first to leave. He was benched near the end of last season and his at [32] makes him surplus to a team that wants to compete for top prizes. Solari is gone even though he was always impressive when he played and Guti a solid player in the mid field is unhappy and set to leave. No real effort has been made to fill these holes. Most of the money made is just being thrown at superstars again in hopes of selling a few more T-Shirts.

I fear Madrid are in for a disappointing few seasons until they fully realize the problem and fire the president of the club or their big stars all get to old to play and they are forced to sign some new blood.

MADRID SIGN CHRISTIANO RONALDO!!

2005-07-08T00:35:00.000-07:00

In the video game world anyway.

Yup the mighty Real Madrid have accquired the services of Christiano Ronaldo from Manchester United for the fee of 5 million. A bargin I figure. Madrid also snapped up left wingers Arjen Robben and Damien Duff, along with 22 year old youngster Shawn Right Phillips from Manchester City.

Madrid had to cut a couple first team 'galacticos' but they were getting on in age and or just not preforming up to their ablities. Micheal Owen was sold for a tidy fee of 12 million. Also Guti sold out and signed with arch rivals Barcelona for 6 million. Madrid dispite advanced age in some of their stars are leading the league and look set to win the Copa Del Ray and Champions league this year. The signing of star up and coming striker Adriano from Inter Milan is a major boost to the teams moral.

A couple major disappointments however as during the summer transfer window World Footballer of the year Ronaldinho rejected a bit from Madrid. Such disrespect will not be tolerated in the nations capital.

Anyway with a spanish second division league trophy, a scottish FA cup/league/champions league trophy and a spanish La Liga Supercup, european cup, copa del ray win, league win and a European supercup trophy all in the glass cabinet it is only a matter of time before the worlds biggest stars beg to play for the worlds biggest team.

OLE MADRID!!

Foul Balls on a loosing Skid

2005-07-06T02:01:00.000-07:00

what? I have to say something here? Read the title ass.

Yes the beloved Foul Balls have lost their 2nd game in a row taking them to 3-5 on the season and all but crushing their hopes of a top 3 finish. A brutal game in many ways saw one player for the opposing team taken off the feild after attempting a specatular line drive catch with her face. Another player for the Uncoachables was hit by a line drive but remained in the game and yours truely nearly ate it hard as a liner went wizzing past his glove and inches from his beautiful face. I seemed to be a target all game as I was casually laying down on first ignoring my coaching responsablities and an wild pitch nearly took my nuts off. then came the foul ball that bounced a little to close for comfort. In the end I had a decent game making some good plays but maring the preformance with weak ass hits.

Outfielder David Sachery took one for the team as the outfield suddenly turned to lake and attempted to sideline him for the season. He fell but true to form got back up and continued an impressive game. Fellow blogger and cooking cohort "The Night" was unusually quiet on the night reaching base only once as I recall. This was chalked up to the preformance of the new glove that seemed to swallow talent without remorse.

Team inspiration and go getter Lisa De-something sprang to life mid game with an outstanding snag of a wild grounder followed by an impressive line drive that forced the error of the fielder allowing her to reach second. Sadly communication break down sent her running home the following play to an easy out.

Team heartbreaker and solid all round player Christy B. was also quiet on the day. The short shorts have to take some blame as much leg was exposed for the swarms of evil doers [bugs] to attack. Noramlly counted on for clutch singles Christy struggled to find her form today and was shut out. She also fell victem to a harsh comment from "The Night" who should recieve a fine or some sort of suspension for his actions.

As the game grew to a close my nuts began to itch. So I scratched them. Following that I sent a weak shot to deep left. The Uncoachable caught it and ended the game.

Some absenties included Sandra "Sam" Block who missed the game for undisclosed reasons. Many internally fear a relapse of her Tylenol 3 addiction that sidelined her for much of the 2004 season. Wendle or "Wendie" as he is want to be called also missed the game but showed up for the drinking afterwards. Not the example for the home run leader to be setting for the children. Steven Sachery, team co-manager Daves brother was also missing. Rumblings on the side lines of Daves fear of being up staged by the youngster have led many to worry about his safety.

Finally missing all season after calling it a career was Ryan or known to the blogging world "when Irish Eyes Are Smiling" [side note: I KNEW THAT WHOLE FRENCH THING WAS A RUSE!] Ryan is sorely missed these days as the team seems to be in a bit of rut without his guidance. For those who don't know this is the first year "The Night Who Curses Out Women For No Reason And Should Be Fined" has had sole ownership and managierial duties. Last year was his first year in charge but Ryan was still on the sidelines helping out with moral support. Ryan who ran the team to it's least prosporus run ever with only 5 or so wins in 3 years decided to walk away from the game he loved and the team his heart built to pursue what is known as "a life". Was this the right decision to make? Only time will tell, but if "The Nights" outburst was any indication the class he brought is already being missed. A very special shout out to Josilen whos fighting Irish spirit is also missed on the field these days. Her grit was always apprieciated by those who don't mock the women for messing up like some team members. Whenever a hard grounder was sent her way you could count on her to put her body no matter what the outcome on the line for the good of the team. In an ideal world these two giants of the game would still remain part of the coaching staff or act as mentors to the games new rising stars such as the above mentioned Lisa and Christy. But such is life and we must go on alone.

The next epic clash for the Balls is Tuesday July 12th in the foulest year of our lord 2005 at 6:00pm at ghetto fabulous diamond birchwood. I and the probably punished Night will lead the team to battle against the Great Western Beer Devils for another hard game.